PRESIDENT OBAMA TO HOLD FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE TONIGHT...

Is it wrong that I look forward to things like this the way most men look forward to sports playoffs?! I'm gonna have my giant foam finger and snacks set out and everything!

BEIRUT ON LETTERMAN

Last Friday night, they made their network TV debut...



...and were absolutely incredible.

THE THING MY NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF...

I mean, I hate snakes. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE them. But this thing...just makes me want to curl up in a ball and start sucking my thumb again.

I mean, 2500 POUNDS?! 45 FEET LONG?! Where's Jon Voight when I need him?!

PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!

George Clooney wants to direct (and star) in "The Challenge," a courtroom drama about the trial of Osama bin Laden's driver who was held at Guantanamo Bay for five years. Aaron Sorkin wrote the screenplay, based off Jonathan Mahler's book "The Challenge: Hamdan v. Rumsfeld and the Fight Over Presidential Power."

You might remember another Aaron Sorkin courtroom drama dealing with the abuses at Guantanamo in a lil' movie called, "A Few Good Men."

What's interesting about this case isn't the idea of guilt or innocence on behalf of bin Laden's driver, but rather focuses on two lawyers who sue the President of the United States because they feel these military trials are against our Constitution.

It should totally give Paul Bart: Mall Cop 2 a run for it's money next year...

ANYONE ELSE WONDER...

...if the groundhog doesn't give a shit about his shadow and worries more about about being manhandled by this douche bag from Moulin Rouge?!



I'm not a PETA guy or anything, but something tells me the look on Punxsutawney Phil's face isn't saying, "Yay! It's Groundhog Day!"

BILL HICKS FINALLY GETS HIS DUE...

**UPDATE**
NOW WITH VIDEO...UNTIL CBS TAKES IT DOWN...



To celebrate the 15th anniversary of Bill Hicks' death, David Letterman is going to air the 6 minute "censored" bit for the first time ever. TONIGHT!!! (Fun fact, Bill Hicks was only the second person ever to be censored inside the Ed Sullivan Theater...the first was a man named Elvis Presley?!)

The great Aaron Barnhart does a nice write-up on his blog, but for those of you who have no idea who Bill Hicks was or why his bit was canceled, lemme tell you, you're going to want this tonight. Trust me.

He deals with homosexuality, the way it's "gross" that two men want to kiss but "hott" when two women do it. "You know, I consider myself an open-minded person. But speaking of homosexuality, something has come to my attention that has shocked even me, Have you heard about these new grade school books for children they're trying to add to the curriculum, to help children understand the gay lifestyle. One's called Heather's Two Mommies and the other is called Daddy's New Roommate. Folks, I gotta draw the line here and say this is absolutely disgusting. It is grotesque, and it is pure evil. (pause) I'm talking, of course, about Daddy's New Roommate...Heather's Two Mommies is quite fetching!"


He flat out attacks pro-lifers, "You know what bugs me about them? If you're so pro-life, do me a favor - don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries. I want to see pro-lifers with crowbars at funerals opening caskets - "get out!" Then I'd be really impressed by their mission."

And my absolute favorite bit he ever did, the Easter Bunny...

"I've been traveling a lot lately. I was over in Australia during Easter. It was interesting to note that they celebrate Easter the same way as we do - commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. I wonder why we're so messed up as a race? You know, I've read the Bible - can't find the words "bunny" or "chocolate" in the whole book. Where do we get this stuff from? And why those two things? Why not "goldfish left Lincoln logs in our sock drawers"? I mean, as long as we are making things up, why not go hog wild?"

The man was soooooooo ahead of his time, and I can't wait to actually see him perform this on Letterman tonight, 15 years after he left us.



I love how he baits the audience into clapping for the "Schools including the homosexual books" bit. Some people online are claiming that Bill himself was against homosexuals, but those people have obviously never heard his routine...

FEBRUARY IS A GREAT MONTH FOR ME (BUT NOT MY WALLET)

Some of the awesomeness that's coming out (next) this month...


Noby Noby Boy (PSN)


Flower (PSN)


Resident Evil 5 (PS3)


LocoRoco 2 (PSP)


Willie Nelson & Asleep At The Wheel (CD)


Emmylou Harris * I've Always Needed You (CD)
(sure, this cover looks lame as hell, but her voice is out of this world.)


M. Ward * Hold Time (CD)


Dark Was The Night (CD)
(this is an incredible line-up of artists doing new songs and covers to celebrate World Aids Day!)


Beirut * March of the Zapotec (CD)
(shhhhh...I already have this CD since I'm reviewing it for INK, but you should go out and buy it too!)


Glitter & Gold: Words & Music By Barry Mann & Cynthia Weil (CD)
(a collection of hits from this amazing husband and wife songwriting duo from the 60's and 70's)


War Child presents: Heroes (CD)
(another amazing collection of covers, this time benefiting children of war)

MY RANT ON THE OSCARS...

Yeah, yeah. I know there are really important matters going on in the world and whining about an award show is like one step up from complaining about the weather...but whatever. I like to bitch and moan and you obviously are bored enough to keep reading...

BEST PICTURE:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

An absolute disgrace. First off, the Weinstein Brothers can go fuck themselves with buying off the Academy. It started the year Shakespeare In Love beat out Saving Private Ryan and continues to piss me off to this very day. The Reader was awful. Completely distant, a "twist" that would make even M. Night Shyamalan go, "Really?!" Just a lame movie that deals with the Holocaust and therefore is soooooo much more important than say Wall*E or The Dark Knight. Ricky Gervais wasn't far off when he told Kate Winslet that she'd win an Oscar for doing a WWII film.

Frost/Nixon was underwhelming as well. And listen, I LOVE politics, but this film was flat out boring at times. I expected to be on the edge of my seat, watching these two important figures battle to the end...but most of the movie was focused on the behind-the-scenes bullshit. They blow right through the first 3 tapings, and by the time the fourth and final one hits the screen, it just feels like they rushed to get us there.

Both of those films could have been knocked off the list and made way for Doubt, Wall*E, The Dark Knight, a whole bunch of better and riskier films. But my money is on MILK. Even though I loved Slumdog, MILK will stand a test of time. It was remarkable and would be a sign that the academy isn't full of old cronies afterall.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG:

WALL-E - "Down to Earth"
Slumdog Millionaire - "Jai Ho"
Slumdog Millionaire - "O Saya"

First off, why only three choices?! This has ALWAYS been five in the past. In fact THREE of them last year were from that piece of shit Enchanted. And secondly, screw whomever came up with the idea that if a song isn't simply on the soundtrack, it's not eligible. That's the bullshit reason why Springsteen got chopped off. He liked his "The Wrestler" song so much, he's going to put it on his new album. (which comes out next Tuesday) But it's not like it was a song that he had sitting around for a decade or anything. He wrote it as a personal favor for his friend, Mickey Rourke. It was a brand new, original song for The Wrestler. If his album came out months from now, this wouldn't even have been an issue. Which is why it's bullshit. Let's hope if any of these three win, they NEVER include that song on any sort of "Greatest Hits" package or anything...

SOMETIMES IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS...

That make me smile.

ME AM FAMOUS

In that I make comics for the local newspaper, which someone sees and cuts out to send to someone else, and that person does a blog post about it...

(cue Elton John's "Circle of Life")

It seems Terry and Oliver Holler are driving a DeLorean across all 50 states in hopes of raising money for Parkinson's research. A friend of theirs saw my Foxymoron strip dealing with me being sad that it's already 2009 and I still don't have a hoverboard and mailed it to them. Then they posted it on their blog, (and emailed me first to ask if it was okay, which was very sweet of them!) which totally made my day!

So if you got some extra cash and want to donate to their awesome cause, go right here! And c'mon, their name is TEAM FOX! How much cooler can any of this be?!