FUCKING CANCER.

God is really testing my fucking patience lately. I mean, giving BOTH my Mother and Father brain tumors was kinda bad. Taking my Mother away from me when I was 15 was tough. Letting my Father get on with his life a year and a half since he was diagnosed...well, that's starting to look better. Then last night at like 11 O'Clock I get an email from one of my best friend's here in Kansas City. Hector Casanova, seriously one of the most talented fucking artist I've ever seen let alone become close friends with, has cancer.

Fuck you God.

I'm so tired of this fucking piece of shit disease. It's one thing when it's Lung Cancer and the person in is their 60's and you're like, "Oh, well tough luck." But Hector isn't even in his 30's yet!!! And he's fucking NICE! BTK just got sentenced to life in prison yesterday...give THAT asshole cancer!!!

I'm so angry and sad and tired...Honestly I'm not sure why I'm even writing this on my stupid blog. I guess just getting it out there helps me deal with it. Like I have some sort of power over it if I cuss a lot and blame God. When in reality I'm just so scared because I can't do anything about it. I can't even begin to imagine what Hector's going through.

He has to go to the Mayo Clinic up in MN ASAP. That's how serious it is. Now I get to stay up night wondering if I'll ever even see him again. At least he was able to keep his sense of humor about it...

"I always knew I was "special". Now I know exactly how special. When I first went to the doctor to get checked out, I mentioned I feared it might be cancer. He told me that my chances, being my age, of getting gastrointestinal cancer were 1 in 6500. 
That's how special I am. 
Renee asks me why I didn't win the lottery instead."

I responded by saying, "If this was Daniel I'd be like, 'Oh no big loss." But you?! You're actually talented!!!"

I hide behind my humor because I'm so terrified. I'm sure he's doing the same thing.