1.31.2006
MUSIC PICK FOR 1.31.06
THE WEATHER MACHINES * THE SOUND OF PSEUDOSCIENCE
I really can't say anything better than the lil promo sticker on the cover doesn't already state...
"The Weather Machines fire off blasts of hot, intelligent power pop that recalls the best the underground had to offer in the late 70's/early 80's: Infectious rhythms and great hooks! Brings to mind Ted Leo, Spoon, & Elvis Costello..."
1.30.2006
DAVID CROSS VS. LARRY THE CABLE GUY
It's over a month old, but I realized I never brought it up on my blog. For those who haven't read it yet, it's quite a treat. David Cross made a tiny blurb in Rolling Stone about Larry The Cable Guy and his hillbilly fans and Larry wrote an entire chapter in his book (How scary is that?! He has a BOOK?!) about it. This is David's follow-up...
(read all the responses he's gotten over at David's blog. I linked to it, along with tons of other new links, over there to your right...)
An open letter to Larry The Cable Guy:
Hello Larry,
It's me, David Cross. Recently I was shooting something for my friends at "Wonder Showzen" (the funniest, most subversive comedy on American T.V. at the moment) and when we were taking a break one of the guys on the show asked me if I had seen some article in something somewhere wherein you were interviewed to promote your new book "Please-Git-R-Done" (published by Crown Books $23.95 U.S.) and they asked about your devoting a chapter to slamming me and the "P.C. Left". Since I stopped following your career shortly after you stopped going on stage wearing a tool belt with cable wrapped around your neck (around your appearance at "Laffs 'n' Food" in Enid, Oklahoma Aug 23-26 1999?) I said I wasn't aware of the article. They went on to tell me that you said basically (and I am not quoting but paraphrasing their recall) that I could kiss your ass, that I've never been to one of your shows (true) and that I didn't know your audience (untrue).
SO, I went and got your book, "Gitting-R-Donned", and excitedly skimmed past the joke about that one time you farted and something farty happened, on past the thing about the fat girl who farted and finally found it, . Well, needless to say I farted. I farted up a fartstorm right there in the Flyin' J Travel Center. I fartingly bought the book and took it home with an excitement I haven't experienced since I got Bertha Chudfarter's Grandma drunk and she took her teeth out and blew me as I was finger banging her while wearing a Jesus sock puppet in the back of the boiler room at The Church of the Redeemer off I-20 (I don't care who you are, that's funny.)
Anyhoo, I got home and read the good parts. It seems that you were pissed off at Rolling Stone magazine, and I can understand why. You made some good points in your argument as well. I agree that there is an eliteism and bias in the press and too often a writer will include asides to show the readers how smart he or she is and how "above it" they are. But come on! Surely you can't be surprised, or worse, hurt or offended by this. You even say in the book that you knew what you were getting into (Rolling Stone being all "lefty" and whatnot). Certainly I'm not surprised that they took a ten minute phone conversation with me and chose to print only the most inflammatory paragraph within it. That's what they do.
But I want to address some of the things you write about me in "Git-to-Gittin'-r-Done". In response to the Rolling Stone article, but first let me say this; you are very mistaken if you think that I don't know your audience. Hell, I could've been heckled by the parents of some of the very people that come see you now. I grew up in Roswell, Georgia (near the Funny Bone and not far from The Punch Line). The very first time I went on stage was at The Punch Line in Sandy Springs in 1982 when I was 17. I cut my teeth in the south and my first road gigs ever were in Augusta, Charleston, Baton Rouge, and Louisville. I remember them very well, specifically because of the audience. I remember thinking (occasionally, not all the time) "what a bunch of dumb redneck, easily entertained, ignorant motherfuckers. I can't believe the stupid shit they think is funny." So, yes, I do know your audience, and they suck. And they're simple. And please don't mistake this as coming from a place of bitterness because I didn't "make it" there or, I'm not as successful as you because that's not it at all. Since I was a kid I've always been a little over sensitive to the glorification and rewarding of dumb. The "salt of the earth, regular, every day folk" (or lowest common denominator) who see the world, and the people like me in it, as on some sort of secular mission to take away their flag lapels and plaster-of-paris jesus television adornments strike me as childishly paranoid. But perhaps the funniest (oddest) thing in your book is you taking me to task for being P.C. Have you heard my act?! I'll match your un-P.C.ness any day of the week my friend. I truly believe, and have said onstage amongst other things that, orthodox Jews are bar none, the most annoying people, as a group, that walk this earth. I absolutely refuse to say the term "African-American". It's a ridiculous and ill-applied label that was accepted with a thoughtless rush just to make white people feel at ease and slightly noble. I also believe that in the right setting that, as unfortunate as it may be, retarded people can be a near constant source of entertainment (fact!). Larry, whether northern, southern, straight, gay, male, female, liberal, conservative, Christian or Jew, I've walked them all. It didn't matter if it was a room full of "enlightened" hippie lesbian wicans at Catch A Rising Star in Cambridge, MA or literally hundreds of students at the University of St. Louis (a Jesuit school) or a roomful of the cutest, angriest frat boys in Baton Rouge all threatening to beat me up, I un-P.C.'d the shit out of them. That's another thing that bothers me too. I honestly believe that if we had worked a week together at whatever dumb-ass club in American Strip Mall #298347 in God's Country U.S.A and hung out that week and got good and drunk after the shows, that you and I would've been making each other laugh (I imagine we would have politely disagreed on a few things) but not only would we be laughing but we'd often be laughing at the expense of some of the audience members at that nights show and you know it. I'll address your easy, bullshit sanctimonious "don't mess with my audience" crap further on. But for now, let's "Gittle-R-Ding-Dong-Done!"
Okay, here's what I said in the RS interview: "He's good at what he does. It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor -- which people like in America - all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."
You took umbrage at my calling a lot of your act anti-gay and racist and said that "...according to Cross and the politically correct police, any white comedians who mention the word 'black' or say something humorous but faintly negative about any race are racists."
Well, first of all, your act is racist. Maybe not all the time, but it certainly can be. Here, let me quote you back, word for word, some of your "faintly negative" humor and I'll let people judge for themselves.
Re: Abu Ghraib Torture -
"Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something!"
Re: Having a Muslim cleric give the opening prayer at the Republican Convention -
"What the hell is this the cartoon network? The Republicans had a muslim give the opening prayer at there (sic) convention! What the hell's going on around here! Is Muslim now the official religion of the United States!... First these peckerheads ( Ironically, "peckerhead" was a derogatory word slaves and their offspring used to describe white people) fly planes into towers and now theys (sic) prayin' before conventions! People say not all of em did that and I say who gives a rats fat ass! That's a fricken slap in the face to New York city by having some muslim sum-bitch give the invocation at the republican convention! This country pretty much bans the Christian religion (the religion of George Washington and John Wayne) virtually from anything public and then they got us watchin' this muslim BS!! Ya wanna pray to allah then drag yer flea infested ass over to where they pray to allah at!" End Quote. So... yeah. There you go. This quote goes on and on but my favorite part is when you say towards the end, "...now look, I love all people (except terrorist countries that want to kill us)..."
There are numerous examples and I don't think I need to reprint any more. You get the idea. Oh, what the hell, here's one more - "They're dead, get over it! Poor little sandy asses! I'm sure all them dead folks'd they'd killed give 40 shekels or whatever kinda money these inbred sumbitches use, but I'd give 40 of 'em whatever it is to be humiliated instead of dead!"
Okay Larry The Cable Guy, I will ignore the irony of a big ole southern redneck character actually using "inbred" as an insult, as well as the fact that a shekel is currency from Israel, the towel heads sworn enemy. But at least you're passionate about what you see as inhumane injustice (not on a global level of course, but on a national level) and the simple black and white of what's right and what's wrong. It's kinda like you're this guy who speaks for all these poor, unfortunate souls out there who wear shirts with blue collars on them, work hard all day to put food on the table for their family (unlike people who wear shirts with white collars or wear scrubs or t-shirts or dresses or costumes that consist of flannel shirts with the sleeves cut-off and old trucker hats) and pray to the American Flag of Jesus to protect them from the evils of muslims, queers, illegal immigrants, and the liberal jews who run Hollywood and the media. I guess one could say that you're "telling it like it is". And considering the vast amount of over-simplification you employ to describe with sweeping generalizations, all of America and the World that "don't make no sense to you", as well as your lack of sensitivity, and second grade grammar, one might be led to think that you are somewhat proud of not appearing (or being) too intellectual. Combine that with your sucker appeal to the knee-jerk white Christian patriot in us all who would much rather hear 87 fart jokes than hear a joke in which the President (the current one, not the last one) or the Pope, or Born-Again Christians, or Lee Greenwood get called on their shit for being the hypocrites that they are, and I think we've got a winner!
About being Anti-Gay. I honestly take that back. I do not think that you are anti-gay, I didn't choose those words wisely. Your stuff isn't necessarily anti-gay but rather stupid and easy. "Madder than a queer with lock jaw on Valentines Day." That's not that funny, I don't care who you are. It's just sooo easy. I mean, over half the planet sucks dick so why gays? Why not truck stop whores, or Hollywood Starlets or housewives? Because when you say "queer" you get an easy laugh. End of story.
As for being a multi-millionaire in disguise, that's just merely a matter of personal taste for me. I do not begrudge you your money at all, it is sincerely hard earned and you deserve whatever people want to give to you. What sticks in my craw about that stuff is the blatant and (again, personal taste) gross marketing and selling of this bullshit character to your beloved fans. Now look, if someone wants to pay top dollar to come to one of your shows and then drop a couple hundred more on "Git-R-Done" lighters and hats and t-shirts and windshield stickers and trailer hitches and beer koozies and fishing hats and shot glasses etc, then good for you. I just think it's a little crass and belies the "good ole boy" blue collar thing you represent. But that's no big deal.
Now, as for the last statement that "We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."
Well, I think that's true. When you can rally the troops (so to speak) with a lazy, "latte drinking, tofu eating" generalization of Liberals and "Back ass rag fags" to describe Arabs, then, yeah, I think that falls in the "ignorant" category. I think that with even the slightest attention to the double standard and hypocrisy of both the Left and the Right in this country (if not all of the Christian Extremists as a whole) coupled with the bullshit they lazily swallow and parrot back while happily ignoring the gross inhumane treatment of those that aren't them so that we may have cheap sneakers and oil and slightly less taxes (although I'm sure the bracket you're in now gives you a ton of tax money back), then you could maybe see my point. Now here's the best part - in your book you preface the above quote by saying, "...but I guess I'm not as intellectual as David Cross. In that Rolling Stone article, he sure showed us what a deep thinker he is by sayin' "America is in a stage of vague intellectual pride." Jesus Christ can you even fucking read?! Whoever read that article to you butchered the actual quote. The quote that was right fucking in front of their face! I would fire your official reader and have them replaced with a Hooters Girl who doesn't fart. That way you have something nice to look at while you are getting your misinformation.
As for "anti-intellectual pride", that is Larry The Cable Guy in spades. Let me quote you again (from an on-line interview, "I consider my jokes to be very jeuvinille (sic). Stuff a 14 year old would laugh at because that's the ...sence (sic) of humor I have.". Hmmm, okay. That was easy.
Well, I suppose I've already covered part of that in the above. But you also specifically dumb down your speech while making hundreds of purposefully grammatical errors. How do I know this? It's on page 17 of your book wherein you describe how you would "Larry" up your commentaries for radio. What does it mean to "Larry" something up? Take a wild guess. The reason you feel the need to "Larry" something up? Because you are not that dumb. I mean you, Dan Whitney, the guy who's name the bank account is under. You were born and raised in Nebraska (hardly The South), went to private school and moved to Florida when you were 16. This is when you developed your accent?! Not exactly the developmental years are they? At age 16 that's the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to adopt. Did you hire a voice coach? Or were you like one of those people who go to England for a week and come back sounding like an extra from "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"? As you said yourself in an interview once, "I can pop in and out of it pretty much whenever I want". In your book on page 89 you say in reference to the "gee-shucks" millionaire comment, "...see, to his (David's) mind, bein' well paid means I'm no longer real and I can't be a country boy anymore. It's just an act." Hey, it's always been an act! That's my fucking point! You admit it yourself so cut the indignation shit. And I am in no way deriding your work ethic. You clearly have more fart jokes than most and for that I applaud you. You go on to talk about how hard you work and life on the road and living on Waffle House and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all been there and played shitty, degrading gigs and sacrificed etc, etc. Then you say, "...this (the personal attack) was different because David basically hammered my fans in that RS article by implying that they were ignorant. He crossed the line when he railed against them, so I had to tell ya what I felt about that. He can hammer me all he wants, but when he screwed with my fans, it was time for me to say something." Aww, that's so sweet and egregious. I can't stand that fan ass kissing bullshit. You and Dane Cook ought to get together and have a "my-fan's-are-the-greatest-people-on-earth-and-that's-why-I-do-this" off. You could both sell a shit load of merch too. But having said that, I would truly love to get some of your fans and my fans in a room together to debate some of the finer points on comedy, music, culture, the issues facing our country today and just about anything else we might find worthy of discussion. My fans are pretty smart as well. They are also, I imagine, as "hard-working" as your fans. Not all of them of course, but most. And I'm sure that they may come up with some genuinely interesting, insightful points (and would do so without spouting a bunch of meaningless Christian platitudes). And if you really, truly want to respect your fans, lower your ticket price as well as the price of your ubiquitous merchandise. I'm sure all those hard-working Americans could use the extra money now that the budgets are being cut drastically from Transportation, Education, Health and Human Services, HUD, Dept of the Interior, EPA, Farm Service Agency, FEMA, Agricultural, FDA, VA, FDA, FHA, National Center for Environmental Health, and numerous other departments and agencies that they might directly rely on for help. All so that we can pay off this massive tax cut during "war" time that we're all getting (them not so much though). Oh well, that's just one of those "political" things that I think about occasionally.
Anyway, I just wanted to address the stuff you wrote about me and clear some things up. Mostly the air around here... I just farted!!!!!
Think-Of-Something-To-Do-And-See-That-Task-To-Completion!!!!!
Fart,
David Cross
(read all the responses he's gotten over at David's blog. I linked to it, along with tons of other new links, over there to your right...)
An open letter to Larry The Cable Guy:
Hello Larry,
It's me, David Cross. Recently I was shooting something for my friends at "Wonder Showzen" (the funniest, most subversive comedy on American T.V. at the moment) and when we were taking a break one of the guys on the show asked me if I had seen some article in something somewhere wherein you were interviewed to promote your new book "Please-Git-R-Done" (published by Crown Books $23.95 U.S.) and they asked about your devoting a chapter to slamming me and the "P.C. Left". Since I stopped following your career shortly after you stopped going on stage wearing a tool belt with cable wrapped around your neck (around your appearance at "Laffs 'n' Food" in Enid, Oklahoma Aug 23-26 1999?) I said I wasn't aware of the article. They went on to tell me that you said basically (and I am not quoting but paraphrasing their recall) that I could kiss your ass, that I've never been to one of your shows (true) and that I didn't know your audience (untrue).
SO, I went and got your book, "Gitting-R-Donned", and excitedly skimmed past the joke about that one time you farted and something farty happened, on past the thing about the fat girl who farted and finally found it, . Well, needless to say I farted. I farted up a fartstorm right there in the Flyin' J Travel Center. I fartingly bought the book and took it home with an excitement I haven't experienced since I got Bertha Chudfarter's Grandma drunk and she took her teeth out and blew me as I was finger banging her while wearing a Jesus sock puppet in the back of the boiler room at The Church of the Redeemer off I-20 (I don't care who you are, that's funny.)
Anyhoo, I got home and read the good parts. It seems that you were pissed off at Rolling Stone magazine, and I can understand why. You made some good points in your argument as well. I agree that there is an eliteism and bias in the press and too often a writer will include asides to show the readers how smart he or she is and how "above it" they are. But come on! Surely you can't be surprised, or worse, hurt or offended by this. You even say in the book that you knew what you were getting into (Rolling Stone being all "lefty" and whatnot). Certainly I'm not surprised that they took a ten minute phone conversation with me and chose to print only the most inflammatory paragraph within it. That's what they do.
But I want to address some of the things you write about me in "Git-to-Gittin'-r-Done". In response to the Rolling Stone article, but first let me say this; you are very mistaken if you think that I don't know your audience. Hell, I could've been heckled by the parents of some of the very people that come see you now. I grew up in Roswell, Georgia (near the Funny Bone and not far from The Punch Line). The very first time I went on stage was at The Punch Line in Sandy Springs in 1982 when I was 17. I cut my teeth in the south and my first road gigs ever were in Augusta, Charleston, Baton Rouge, and Louisville. I remember them very well, specifically because of the audience. I remember thinking (occasionally, not all the time) "what a bunch of dumb redneck, easily entertained, ignorant motherfuckers. I can't believe the stupid shit they think is funny." So, yes, I do know your audience, and they suck. And they're simple. And please don't mistake this as coming from a place of bitterness because I didn't "make it" there or, I'm not as successful as you because that's not it at all. Since I was a kid I've always been a little over sensitive to the glorification and rewarding of dumb. The "salt of the earth, regular, every day folk" (or lowest common denominator) who see the world, and the people like me in it, as on some sort of secular mission to take away their flag lapels and plaster-of-paris jesus television adornments strike me as childishly paranoid. But perhaps the funniest (oddest) thing in your book is you taking me to task for being P.C. Have you heard my act?! I'll match your un-P.C.ness any day of the week my friend. I truly believe, and have said onstage amongst other things that, orthodox Jews are bar none, the most annoying people, as a group, that walk this earth. I absolutely refuse to say the term "African-American". It's a ridiculous and ill-applied label that was accepted with a thoughtless rush just to make white people feel at ease and slightly noble. I also believe that in the right setting that, as unfortunate as it may be, retarded people can be a near constant source of entertainment (fact!). Larry, whether northern, southern, straight, gay, male, female, liberal, conservative, Christian or Jew, I've walked them all. It didn't matter if it was a room full of "enlightened" hippie lesbian wicans at Catch A Rising Star in Cambridge, MA or literally hundreds of students at the University of St. Louis (a Jesuit school) or a roomful of the cutest, angriest frat boys in Baton Rouge all threatening to beat me up, I un-P.C.'d the shit out of them. That's another thing that bothers me too. I honestly believe that if we had worked a week together at whatever dumb-ass club in American Strip Mall #298347 in God's Country U.S.A and hung out that week and got good and drunk after the shows, that you and I would've been making each other laugh (I imagine we would have politely disagreed on a few things) but not only would we be laughing but we'd often be laughing at the expense of some of the audience members at that nights show and you know it. I'll address your easy, bullshit sanctimonious "don't mess with my audience" crap further on. But for now, let's "Gittle-R-Ding-Dong-Done!"
Okay, here's what I said in the RS interview: "He's good at what he does. It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor -- which people like in America - all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."
You took umbrage at my calling a lot of your act anti-gay and racist and said that "...according to Cross and the politically correct police, any white comedians who mention the word 'black' or say something humorous but faintly negative about any race are racists."
Well, first of all, your act is racist. Maybe not all the time, but it certainly can be. Here, let me quote you back, word for word, some of your "faintly negative" humor and I'll let people judge for themselves.
Re: Abu Ghraib Torture -
"Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something!"
Re: Having a Muslim cleric give the opening prayer at the Republican Convention -
"What the hell is this the cartoon network? The Republicans had a muslim give the opening prayer at there (sic) convention! What the hell's going on around here! Is Muslim now the official religion of the United States!... First these peckerheads ( Ironically, "peckerhead" was a derogatory word slaves and their offspring used to describe white people) fly planes into towers and now theys (sic) prayin' before conventions! People say not all of em did that and I say who gives a rats fat ass! That's a fricken slap in the face to New York city by having some muslim sum-bitch give the invocation at the republican convention! This country pretty much bans the Christian religion (the religion of George Washington and John Wayne) virtually from anything public and then they got us watchin' this muslim BS!! Ya wanna pray to allah then drag yer flea infested ass over to where they pray to allah at!" End Quote. So... yeah. There you go. This quote goes on and on but my favorite part is when you say towards the end, "...now look, I love all people (except terrorist countries that want to kill us)..."
There are numerous examples and I don't think I need to reprint any more. You get the idea. Oh, what the hell, here's one more - "They're dead, get over it! Poor little sandy asses! I'm sure all them dead folks'd they'd killed give 40 shekels or whatever kinda money these inbred sumbitches use, but I'd give 40 of 'em whatever it is to be humiliated instead of dead!"
Okay Larry The Cable Guy, I will ignore the irony of a big ole southern redneck character actually using "inbred" as an insult, as well as the fact that a shekel is currency from Israel, the towel heads sworn enemy. But at least you're passionate about what you see as inhumane injustice (not on a global level of course, but on a national level) and the simple black and white of what's right and what's wrong. It's kinda like you're this guy who speaks for all these poor, unfortunate souls out there who wear shirts with blue collars on them, work hard all day to put food on the table for their family (unlike people who wear shirts with white collars or wear scrubs or t-shirts or dresses or costumes that consist of flannel shirts with the sleeves cut-off and old trucker hats) and pray to the American Flag of Jesus to protect them from the evils of muslims, queers, illegal immigrants, and the liberal jews who run Hollywood and the media. I guess one could say that you're "telling it like it is". And considering the vast amount of over-simplification you employ to describe with sweeping generalizations, all of America and the World that "don't make no sense to you", as well as your lack of sensitivity, and second grade grammar, one might be led to think that you are somewhat proud of not appearing (or being) too intellectual. Combine that with your sucker appeal to the knee-jerk white Christian patriot in us all who would much rather hear 87 fart jokes than hear a joke in which the President (the current one, not the last one) or the Pope, or Born-Again Christians, or Lee Greenwood get called on their shit for being the hypocrites that they are, and I think we've got a winner!
About being Anti-Gay. I honestly take that back. I do not think that you are anti-gay, I didn't choose those words wisely. Your stuff isn't necessarily anti-gay but rather stupid and easy. "Madder than a queer with lock jaw on Valentines Day." That's not that funny, I don't care who you are. It's just sooo easy. I mean, over half the planet sucks dick so why gays? Why not truck stop whores, or Hollywood Starlets or housewives? Because when you say "queer" you get an easy laugh. End of story.
As for being a multi-millionaire in disguise, that's just merely a matter of personal taste for me. I do not begrudge you your money at all, it is sincerely hard earned and you deserve whatever people want to give to you. What sticks in my craw about that stuff is the blatant and (again, personal taste) gross marketing and selling of this bullshit character to your beloved fans. Now look, if someone wants to pay top dollar to come to one of your shows and then drop a couple hundred more on "Git-R-Done" lighters and hats and t-shirts and windshield stickers and trailer hitches and beer koozies and fishing hats and shot glasses etc, then good for you. I just think it's a little crass and belies the "good ole boy" blue collar thing you represent. But that's no big deal.
Now, as for the last statement that "We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."
Well, I think that's true. When you can rally the troops (so to speak) with a lazy, "latte drinking, tofu eating" generalization of Liberals and "Back ass rag fags" to describe Arabs, then, yeah, I think that falls in the "ignorant" category. I think that with even the slightest attention to the double standard and hypocrisy of both the Left and the Right in this country (if not all of the Christian Extremists as a whole) coupled with the bullshit they lazily swallow and parrot back while happily ignoring the gross inhumane treatment of those that aren't them so that we may have cheap sneakers and oil and slightly less taxes (although I'm sure the bracket you're in now gives you a ton of tax money back), then you could maybe see my point. Now here's the best part - in your book you preface the above quote by saying, "...but I guess I'm not as intellectual as David Cross. In that Rolling Stone article, he sure showed us what a deep thinker he is by sayin' "America is in a stage of vague intellectual pride." Jesus Christ can you even fucking read?! Whoever read that article to you butchered the actual quote. The quote that was right fucking in front of their face! I would fire your official reader and have them replaced with a Hooters Girl who doesn't fart. That way you have something nice to look at while you are getting your misinformation.
As for "anti-intellectual pride", that is Larry The Cable Guy in spades. Let me quote you again (from an on-line interview, "I consider my jokes to be very jeuvinille (sic). Stuff a 14 year old would laugh at because that's the ...sence (sic) of humor I have.". Hmmm, okay. That was easy.
Well, I suppose I've already covered part of that in the above. But you also specifically dumb down your speech while making hundreds of purposefully grammatical errors. How do I know this? It's on page 17 of your book wherein you describe how you would "Larry" up your commentaries for radio. What does it mean to "Larry" something up? Take a wild guess. The reason you feel the need to "Larry" something up? Because you are not that dumb. I mean you, Dan Whitney, the guy who's name the bank account is under. You were born and raised in Nebraska (hardly The South), went to private school and moved to Florida when you were 16. This is when you developed your accent?! Not exactly the developmental years are they? At age 16 that's the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to adopt. Did you hire a voice coach? Or were you like one of those people who go to England for a week and come back sounding like an extra from "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"? As you said yourself in an interview once, "I can pop in and out of it pretty much whenever I want". In your book on page 89 you say in reference to the "gee-shucks" millionaire comment, "...see, to his (David's) mind, bein' well paid means I'm no longer real and I can't be a country boy anymore. It's just an act." Hey, it's always been an act! That's my fucking point! You admit it yourself so cut the indignation shit. And I am in no way deriding your work ethic. You clearly have more fart jokes than most and for that I applaud you. You go on to talk about how hard you work and life on the road and living on Waffle House and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all been there and played shitty, degrading gigs and sacrificed etc, etc. Then you say, "...this (the personal attack) was different because David basically hammered my fans in that RS article by implying that they were ignorant. He crossed the line when he railed against them, so I had to tell ya what I felt about that. He can hammer me all he wants, but when he screwed with my fans, it was time for me to say something." Aww, that's so sweet and egregious. I can't stand that fan ass kissing bullshit. You and Dane Cook ought to get together and have a "my-fan's-are-the-greatest-people-on-earth-and-that's-why-I-do-this" off. You could both sell a shit load of merch too. But having said that, I would truly love to get some of your fans and my fans in a room together to debate some of the finer points on comedy, music, culture, the issues facing our country today and just about anything else we might find worthy of discussion. My fans are pretty smart as well. They are also, I imagine, as "hard-working" as your fans. Not all of them of course, but most. And I'm sure that they may come up with some genuinely interesting, insightful points (and would do so without spouting a bunch of meaningless Christian platitudes). And if you really, truly want to respect your fans, lower your ticket price as well as the price of your ubiquitous merchandise. I'm sure all those hard-working Americans could use the extra money now that the budgets are being cut drastically from Transportation, Education, Health and Human Services, HUD, Dept of the Interior, EPA, Farm Service Agency, FEMA, Agricultural, FDA, VA, FDA, FHA, National Center for Environmental Health, and numerous other departments and agencies that they might directly rely on for help. All so that we can pay off this massive tax cut during "war" time that we're all getting (them not so much though). Oh well, that's just one of those "political" things that I think about occasionally.
Anyway, I just wanted to address the stuff you wrote about me and clear some things up. Mostly the air around here... I just farted!!!!!
Think-Of-Something-To-Do-And-See-That-Task-To-Completion!!!!!
Fart,
David Cross
1.28.2006
WHY NOT BAN NERDS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?!
No booth babes at E3?! I guess I'll just have to make due with the ones at Comic Conventions from now on...
E3 Booth Babes Banned
Companies may have to rely on actual games to grab our attention.
by David Adams (www.ign.com)
January 24, 2006 - While the annual Electronic Entertainment Expo is certainly about games, the show is notorious for its often ribald atmosphere. By now, our readers are familiar with the barely-dressed "booth babes" which each year are as ubiquitous as the giant flat-screen displays and screaming speakers.
Game companies have long hired titillating models to lure drooling males to trade event booths. When this year's E3 comes rambling along in May, it could be a fully-dressed affair.
The show's directors have always published a dress code which would disallow bikini-wear and similar attention-grabbing garb. According to the E3 handbook, "Material, including live models, conduct that is sexually explicit and/or sexually provocative, including but not limited to nudity, partial nudity and bathing suit bottoms, are prohibited on the show floor, all common areas, and at any access points to the show."
Of course, in practice the rule is hardly enforced. This year's handbook, however, mentions a $5,000 fine for violating the code.
The Entertainment Software Association (ESA), the organization behind E3, says it will issue a first verbal warning for conduct violations. An second offense will incur the $5,000 fine, to be paid immediately. Models will also have to switch to more modest dress before returning to the show floor.
"What's new in 2006 is an update and clarification of the enforcement policies; as we do from time to time, we have taken steps to ensure that exhibitors are familiar with the policy and how it will be enforced," Mary Dolaher, E3Expo show director, told Reuters.
E3 Booth Babes Banned
Companies may have to rely on actual games to grab our attention.
by David Adams (www.ign.com)
January 24, 2006 - While the annual Electronic Entertainment Expo is certainly about games, the show is notorious for its often ribald atmosphere. By now, our readers are familiar with the barely-dressed "booth babes" which each year are as ubiquitous as the giant flat-screen displays and screaming speakers.
Game companies have long hired titillating models to lure drooling males to trade event booths. When this year's E3 comes rambling along in May, it could be a fully-dressed affair.
The show's directors have always published a dress code which would disallow bikini-wear and similar attention-grabbing garb. According to the E3 handbook, "Material, including live models, conduct that is sexually explicit and/or sexually provocative, including but not limited to nudity, partial nudity and bathing suit bottoms, are prohibited on the show floor, all common areas, and at any access points to the show."
Of course, in practice the rule is hardly enforced. This year's handbook, however, mentions a $5,000 fine for violating the code.
The Entertainment Software Association (ESA), the organization behind E3, says it will issue a first verbal warning for conduct violations. An second offense will incur the $5,000 fine, to be paid immediately. Models will also have to switch to more modest dress before returning to the show floor.
"What's new in 2006 is an update and clarification of the enforcement policies; as we do from time to time, we have taken steps to ensure that exhibitors are familiar with the policy and how it will be enforced," Mary Dolaher, E3Expo show director, told Reuters.
I AIN'T NO MONKEY!!!
As I drove to work yesterday a new billboard off the side of the highway downtown caught my eye.
"EVOLUTION IS A FAIRY TALE FOR GROWN UPS"
That's what it said in giant white letters on a black background. Similar to those "GOD" billboards from a couple years back. It also contained this website underneath it.
And Jesus wept.
"EVOLUTION IS A FAIRY TALE FOR GROWN UPS"
That's what it said in giant white letters on a black background. Similar to those "GOD" billboards from a couple years back. It also contained this website underneath it.
And Jesus wept.
"Enough. Enough triangulation, calculation and equivocation."
Molly Ivins is my absolute favorite OP-ED writer. She fucking nails the Democratic Party with this amazing editorial and lays out exactly what needs to be done.
Last couple of paragraphs:
"Bush, Cheney and Co. will continue to play the patriotic bully card just as long as you let them. I've said it before: War brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were "German dogs." They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds. The MINUTE someone impugns your patriotism for opposing this war, turn on them like a snarling dog and explain what loving your country really means. That, or you could just piss on them elegantly, as Rep. John Murtha did. Or eviscerate them with wit (look up Mark Twain on the war in the Philippines). Or point out the latest in the endless "string of bad news."
Do not sit there cowering and pretending the only way to win is as Republican-lite. If the Washington-based party can't get up and fight, we'll find someone who can."
EXACTLY!!!
Last couple of paragraphs:
"Bush, Cheney and Co. will continue to play the patriotic bully card just as long as you let them. I've said it before: War brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were "German dogs." They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds. The MINUTE someone impugns your patriotism for opposing this war, turn on them like a snarling dog and explain what loving your country really means. That, or you could just piss on them elegantly, as Rep. John Murtha did. Or eviscerate them with wit (look up Mark Twain on the war in the Philippines). Or point out the latest in the endless "string of bad news."
Do not sit there cowering and pretending the only way to win is as Republican-lite. If the Washington-based party can't get up and fight, we'll find someone who can."
EXACTLY!!!
1.27.2006
NICK CAVE, MOVIE MAKER?!
Why didn't anyone tell me about this?!
Nick Cave Tries His Hand At Film
Australian singer/songwriter Nick Cave is best known for his violent lyrics and legions of black-clad fans, but his latest incarnation is as screenwriter of a gritty Australian western.
When Cave sat down to write "The Proposition," he never actually thought it would get made. He wrote the script in three weeks with nothing more to go on than the basic scenario of the film.
"I was determined not to spend inordinate amounts of time on something I felt would fundamentally never get made," the artist says. "I just sat down and banged it out in the spirit of those old Hollywood guys," said Cave, who studied art before turning to music in the 1980s and becoming the archetypal goth singer with his bands the Birthday Party and later the Bad Seeds.
The film ultimately did get made after director John Hillcoat was able to piece together financing for the project. "The Proposition" stars Guy Pearce as outlaw Charlie Burns, who is captured with his 14-year-old brother Mikey. He is told by the local police captain the only way to save Mikey from the gallows is to track down and kill their older brother Arthur, a psychotic renegade wanted for rape and murder. The movie screened this week at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, and opens in U.S. theaters in May.
Nick Cave Tries His Hand At Film
Australian singer/songwriter Nick Cave is best known for his violent lyrics and legions of black-clad fans, but his latest incarnation is as screenwriter of a gritty Australian western.
When Cave sat down to write "The Proposition," he never actually thought it would get made. He wrote the script in three weeks with nothing more to go on than the basic scenario of the film.
"I was determined not to spend inordinate amounts of time on something I felt would fundamentally never get made," the artist says. "I just sat down and banged it out in the spirit of those old Hollywood guys," said Cave, who studied art before turning to music in the 1980s and becoming the archetypal goth singer with his bands the Birthday Party and later the Bad Seeds.
The film ultimately did get made after director John Hillcoat was able to piece together financing for the project. "The Proposition" stars Guy Pearce as outlaw Charlie Burns, who is captured with his 14-year-old brother Mikey. He is told by the local police captain the only way to save Mikey from the gallows is to track down and kill their older brother Arthur, a psychotic renegade wanted for rape and murder. The movie screened this week at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, and opens in U.S. theaters in May.
1.24.2006
I (HEART) PROTESTERS
And kudos for using that great Ben Franklin quote!
(CNN) -- Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had trouble tapping into a group of hooded protesters at Georgetown Law School in Washington on Tuesday.
The university was one of the stops on Gonzales' circuit as he attempts to diffuse criticism of the National Security Agency's domestic spying program.
But as the attorney general tried to convey that the extraordinary circumstances of the September 11, 2001, terror attacks justified the program, the protesters turned to one of America's founding fathers for their rebuttal.
"Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither" -- the words of Benjamin Franklin -- had been scrawled in capital letters on a sign that required four protesters to hold it up.
Gonzales didn't acknowledge the sign nor did he stop his speech as 22 protesters, including the four with the sign, stood with their backs to him during the address. Five protesters left the room during the speech.
Gonzales said that Congress was aware of the program's scope and that it had been approved "under the authorization to use military force" against terrorism.
His remarks echoed the comments of President Bush, who said Monday that he had briefed key members of Congress on the program.
Many Democrats and some Republicans have disagreed with the president's authorization of the National Security Agency to spy on U.S. citizens without a warrant.
Some lawmakers have said they weren't informed of the program's scope during briefings -- nor were they allowed to go public with concerns because of the program's sensitive nature.
The attorney general disagreed with the claim that legislators weren't told enough about the program.
"As far as I'm concerned, we have briefed the Congress," he said. "They're aware of the scope of the program."
In a speech Tuesday morning, Gonzales said the Federal Intelligence Surveillance Act, which bars wiretaps on Americans at home without a court warrant, did not prevent the NSA program.
"It is simply not the case that Congress in 1978 anticipated all the ways that the president might need to act in times of armed conflict to protect the United States," he said during his speech at Georgetown. "FISA, by its own terms, was not intended to be the last word on these critical issues."
Critics have questioned the administration's legal rationale, pointing to the 1978 FISA law, which requires executive branch agencies to get approval for domestic surveillance requests from a special court, whose proceedings are secret to protect national security.
They say the administration could accomplish the same goals legally by taking requests for warrants before the court under FISA. Even if the case is time sensitive, the act allows authorities to administer wiretaps immediately, as long as they go before the court within three days of the start of surveillance, they say.
(CNN) -- Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had trouble tapping into a group of hooded protesters at Georgetown Law School in Washington on Tuesday.
The university was one of the stops on Gonzales' circuit as he attempts to diffuse criticism of the National Security Agency's domestic spying program.
But as the attorney general tried to convey that the extraordinary circumstances of the September 11, 2001, terror attacks justified the program, the protesters turned to one of America's founding fathers for their rebuttal.
"Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither" -- the words of Benjamin Franklin -- had been scrawled in capital letters on a sign that required four protesters to hold it up.
Gonzales didn't acknowledge the sign nor did he stop his speech as 22 protesters, including the four with the sign, stood with their backs to him during the address. Five protesters left the room during the speech.
Gonzales said that Congress was aware of the program's scope and that it had been approved "under the authorization to use military force" against terrorism.
His remarks echoed the comments of President Bush, who said Monday that he had briefed key members of Congress on the program.
Many Democrats and some Republicans have disagreed with the president's authorization of the National Security Agency to spy on U.S. citizens without a warrant.
Some lawmakers have said they weren't informed of the program's scope during briefings -- nor were they allowed to go public with concerns because of the program's sensitive nature.
The attorney general disagreed with the claim that legislators weren't told enough about the program.
"As far as I'm concerned, we have briefed the Congress," he said. "They're aware of the scope of the program."
In a speech Tuesday morning, Gonzales said the Federal Intelligence Surveillance Act, which bars wiretaps on Americans at home without a court warrant, did not prevent the NSA program.
"It is simply not the case that Congress in 1978 anticipated all the ways that the president might need to act in times of armed conflict to protect the United States," he said during his speech at Georgetown. "FISA, by its own terms, was not intended to be the last word on these critical issues."
Critics have questioned the administration's legal rationale, pointing to the 1978 FISA law, which requires executive branch agencies to get approval for domestic surveillance requests from a special court, whose proceedings are secret to protect national security.
They say the administration could accomplish the same goals legally by taking requests for warrants before the court under FISA. Even if the case is time sensitive, the act allows authorities to administer wiretaps immediately, as long as they go before the court within three days of the start of surveillance, they say.
MUSIC PICK FOR 1.24.06
CAT POWER * THE GREATEST
No, it's not a Greatest Hits compliation, rather one of the best albums I've had the pleasure of listening to in quite some time. It's fairly laid back and nothing like what the cover would have you believe. (A dimly lit, smoke filled bar would have been more appropriate) Chan Marshal is CAT POWER and her voice is so sultry and is easily the driving force behind this album. Although, the distant horns and fiddles are a nice, surprising touch.
Sung as if she is the last lonely person looking for love, this is the kind of album you should listen to late at night or at the very least, when you can get away from the distractions of the daily routine. This one requires your attention, and feeds off your own personal struggles with love and loss.
Favorite Tracks: LIVING PROOF, COULD WE
1.23.2006
WHY IS BUSH MAKING THE BITTER BEER FACE?!
Seriously, being at work, I can't actually HEAR what the question is...but his face is fucking awful. It's like he suddenly turned into that guy from Sling Blade.
"I reckon I'm gonna kill you wit it."
"I reckon I'm gonna kill you wit it."
THE GOOD & BAD ABOUT THE OFFICE
THE GOOD:
NBC RENEWS COMEDY KARMA WITH 'MY NAME IS EARL' AND WORKS IN 'THE OFFICE' FOR FULL-SEASON ORDERS OF 22 EPISODES EACH FOR 2006-07
Hit Freshman Comedy "Earl" Stars Jason Lee While Increasingly Popular "The Office" Stars Recent Golden Globe Winner Steve Carell
BURBANK - January 22, 2006 - NBC has rewarded "My Name Is Earl" (Thursdays, 9-9:30 p.m. ET) and supplied "The Office" (Thursdays, 9:30-10 p.m. ET) with full-season orders of 22 episodes each through the 2006-07 season, it was announced today by Kevin Reilly, President, NBC Entertainment.
"The strength of the ratings and performance and the quality of these two shows make this a very easy decision," said Reilly. "We are confident that these comedies will only continue to increase in popularity."
"My Name Is Earl" is the season's #1 comedy and #1 new series in adults 18-49. Through the first 15 weeks of the season, "Earl" was also television's #1 Tuesday series in 18-49. Since moving to Thursday nights on January 5, "Earl" has increased NBC's 18-49 rating in the time period by 31 percent (with a 5.5 rating vs. a 4.2). Through January 15, "My Name Is Earl" is averaging a 5.3 rating, 13 share in adults 18-49 and 12.0 million overall.
Since shifting to the Thursday lineup on January 5, "The Office" has delivered its three highest regular-slot ratings ever in adults 18-49 and its three best retentions ever of its 18-49 lead-in from "My Name Is Earl." "The Office" is also one of primetime's most upscale comedies, ranking #2 in terms of the concentration of homes with incomes of $100,000 or more in its adult 18-49 audience. Through January 15, "The Office" is averaging a 3.9 rating, 9 share in adults 18-49 and 8.0 million viewers overall.
In "Earl," the title character (Jason Lee, "Almost Famous") has taken one too many wrong turns on the highway of life. However, a twist of fate turns his life into a tailspin of life-renewing events. Earl won a small lottery, and, after an epiphany, he is determined to transform his good fortune into a life-changing event as he sets out to right all the wrongs from his past.
In its first season, "My Name Is Earl" has been nominated for two Golden Globes, two Screen Actors Guild Awards, one Directors Guild of America Award and three Writers Guild of America Awards. It has also won the coveted People's Choice Favorite New Television Comedy Award.
Joining Earl along his quest to cleanse his karma are a few dim-witted friends: hapless brother Randy (Ethan Suplee, "Cold Mountain") and the very sexy Catalina (Nadine Velazquez, "The Bold and the Beautiful"). Even Darnell (Eddie Steeples, "Torque"), a worker at the Crab Shack where Earl drinks beer, offers his support. But it's Earl's ex-wife Joy (Jaime Pressly, "Not Another Teen Movie") who won't lift a finger to help unless there's something in it for her.
Created and written by Greg Garcia ("Yes, Dear), "My Name Is Earl" is executive produced by Garcia and Marc Buckland ("Medical Investigation," "Ed"). The series is produced by Amigos de Garcia and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
From Reveille and NBC Universal Television Studio, "The Office" is a unique comedy series offering a smart, tongue-in-cheek documentary-style look at the humorous, and sometimes poignant, banality of the 9-to-5 white-collar work world. After airing its initial 16 episodes over two seasons, the series received three Writers Guild of America Award nominations, including Outstanding Achievement in Writing for a New Series and Outstanding Achievement in Writing for a Comedy Series.
"The Office" takes a painfully funny look at the interactions of the desk jockeys at Dunder Mifflin paper-supply company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Recent Golden Globe winner Steve Carell ("The 40-Year Old Virgin") stars as unctuous regional manager Michael Scott who hosts the documentary crew on a tour of the workplace. Jenna Fischer ("Miss Match"), John Krasinski ("Jarhead," "Kinsey"), Rainn Wilson ("Six Feet Under"), and B.J. Novak ("Punk'd") star as the employees who tolerate Michael's inappropriate behavior only because he signs their paychecks.
With unshaken enthusiasm, Michael believes he is the office funnyman and a fountain of business wisdom. Unaware of how he is perceived by his employees, Michael comes off alternately absurd and pathetic, but always hilarious.
Executive producer Greg Daniels developed "The Office" for American television. The series' other executive producers are Ben Silverman, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Howard Klein.
AND THE BAD:
"The Office" will go off the air at the end of March so star Steve Carell can film a movie, Reilly said.
NBC RENEWS COMEDY KARMA WITH 'MY NAME IS EARL' AND WORKS IN 'THE OFFICE' FOR FULL-SEASON ORDERS OF 22 EPISODES EACH FOR 2006-07
Hit Freshman Comedy "Earl" Stars Jason Lee While Increasingly Popular "The Office" Stars Recent Golden Globe Winner Steve Carell
BURBANK - January 22, 2006 - NBC has rewarded "My Name Is Earl" (Thursdays, 9-9:30 p.m. ET) and supplied "The Office" (Thursdays, 9:30-10 p.m. ET) with full-season orders of 22 episodes each through the 2006-07 season, it was announced today by Kevin Reilly, President, NBC Entertainment.
"The strength of the ratings and performance and the quality of these two shows make this a very easy decision," said Reilly. "We are confident that these comedies will only continue to increase in popularity."
"My Name Is Earl" is the season's #1 comedy and #1 new series in adults 18-49. Through the first 15 weeks of the season, "Earl" was also television's #1 Tuesday series in 18-49. Since moving to Thursday nights on January 5, "Earl" has increased NBC's 18-49 rating in the time period by 31 percent (with a 5.5 rating vs. a 4.2). Through January 15, "My Name Is Earl" is averaging a 5.3 rating, 13 share in adults 18-49 and 12.0 million overall.
Since shifting to the Thursday lineup on January 5, "The Office" has delivered its three highest regular-slot ratings ever in adults 18-49 and its three best retentions ever of its 18-49 lead-in from "My Name Is Earl." "The Office" is also one of primetime's most upscale comedies, ranking #2 in terms of the concentration of homes with incomes of $100,000 or more in its adult 18-49 audience. Through January 15, "The Office" is averaging a 3.9 rating, 9 share in adults 18-49 and 8.0 million viewers overall.
In "Earl," the title character (Jason Lee, "Almost Famous") has taken one too many wrong turns on the highway of life. However, a twist of fate turns his life into a tailspin of life-renewing events. Earl won a small lottery, and, after an epiphany, he is determined to transform his good fortune into a life-changing event as he sets out to right all the wrongs from his past.
In its first season, "My Name Is Earl" has been nominated for two Golden Globes, two Screen Actors Guild Awards, one Directors Guild of America Award and three Writers Guild of America Awards. It has also won the coveted People's Choice Favorite New Television Comedy Award.
Joining Earl along his quest to cleanse his karma are a few dim-witted friends: hapless brother Randy (Ethan Suplee, "Cold Mountain") and the very sexy Catalina (Nadine Velazquez, "The Bold and the Beautiful"). Even Darnell (Eddie Steeples, "Torque"), a worker at the Crab Shack where Earl drinks beer, offers his support. But it's Earl's ex-wife Joy (Jaime Pressly, "Not Another Teen Movie") who won't lift a finger to help unless there's something in it for her.
Created and written by Greg Garcia ("Yes, Dear), "My Name Is Earl" is executive produced by Garcia and Marc Buckland ("Medical Investigation," "Ed"). The series is produced by Amigos de Garcia and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
From Reveille and NBC Universal Television Studio, "The Office" is a unique comedy series offering a smart, tongue-in-cheek documentary-style look at the humorous, and sometimes poignant, banality of the 9-to-5 white-collar work world. After airing its initial 16 episodes over two seasons, the series received three Writers Guild of America Award nominations, including Outstanding Achievement in Writing for a New Series and Outstanding Achievement in Writing for a Comedy Series.
"The Office" takes a painfully funny look at the interactions of the desk jockeys at Dunder Mifflin paper-supply company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Recent Golden Globe winner Steve Carell ("The 40-Year Old Virgin") stars as unctuous regional manager Michael Scott who hosts the documentary crew on a tour of the workplace. Jenna Fischer ("Miss Match"), John Krasinski ("Jarhead," "Kinsey"), Rainn Wilson ("Six Feet Under"), and B.J. Novak ("Punk'd") star as the employees who tolerate Michael's inappropriate behavior only because he signs their paychecks.
With unshaken enthusiasm, Michael believes he is the office funnyman and a fountain of business wisdom. Unaware of how he is perceived by his employees, Michael comes off alternately absurd and pathetic, but always hilarious.
Executive producer Greg Daniels developed "The Office" for American television. The series' other executive producers are Ben Silverman, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Howard Klein.
AND THE BAD:
"The Office" will go off the air at the end of March so star Steve Carell can film a movie, Reilly said.
1.21.2006
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE & PRINCE!!!
I don't know why, but I watch this show each and every week. It's been fucking AWFUL lately. (Note: Musical numbers are raaaaaaarely that funny, so starting last week's episode with four in a row was torture!) But, at least tonight's has THE STROKES. However, this is what I'm really waiting for:
*****
SUPERSTARS ARE FRONT AND CENTER IN FEBRUARY ON NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"
Prolific SNL Host Steve Martin Returns, Extends Record, Joined By Musical Guest Prince
NEW YORK - January 19, 2006 - NBC's "Saturday Night Live" pulls out the stops on its sole February broadcast with two legendary performers - Steve Martin and Prince (LIVE, February 4, 11:30 p.m. - 1:00 a.m.).
Steve Martin returns to Studio 8H for his record-solidifying 14th hosting appearance. The award-winning actor, comedian, author, playwright and producer's hosting stints have left an indelible impact on SNL's 30-year history. With recurring characters like as the "Wild and Crazy" Czech Festrunk brothers, each Steve Martin-hosted show is an event unto itself.
Martin is set to take on the role of Inspector Clouseau in "The Pink Panther" opposite Kevin Kline and Beyonce Knowles. With scores of film roles to his credit, Martin has most recently been seen in "Shopgirl" (which he adapted from his novella) and the hits "Cheaper By The Dozen" and "Bringing Down the House." Martin starred in such comedy classics as "The Jerk," "All of Me" "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" "Father of the Bride," "Parenthood" and "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." Martin scripted and starred in the hit acclaimed comedies "Three Amigos," "Roxanne," "L.A. Story" and "Bowfinger," as well as in the dramas "Grand Canyon" and "The Spanish Prisoner."
Martin has won Grammys for his comedy records as well as for his banjo work on Earl Scruggs' 75th Anniversary album. He has won raves for his essays in The New Yorker, plays "Picasso at the Lapin Agile" as well as his books "Shopgirl" and "The Pleasure of My Company."
Martin is joined by Rock and Roll Hall of Famer and musical superstar - Prince. Arguably one of the most acclaimed and influential musicians of the 20th century, Prince makes his first appearance on the show since 1981. Fresh off his double Grammy Award-winning release "Musicology" and his top-grossing tour, Prince is back with an eagerly anticipated album "3121" whose first single "Te Amo Corazon" made a major video debut in December. Always on the cutting edge of music and the music business - from his rare triple-threat in "Purple Rain" which was the No. 1 movie, album and single simultaneously in 1984 (winning an Oscar(r) for Best Score as well) to some of his seminal albums, "Sign O'The Times," "Around the World in a Day" and "Diamonds and Pearls" - he has sold over 60 million records and was at the forefront of web-based music distribution with his NPG Music club.
"Saturday Night Live," which premiered on October 11, 1975, is from SNL Studios in association with Broadway Video. The creator and executive producer is Lorne Michaels. Steve Higgins produces. Marci Klein and Mike Shoemaker are producers. Beth McCarthy Miller directs.
*****
Seriously. You all have no idea how much I love PRINCE. I've seen him in concert like five times and own most everything he's ever released. I think it all started when I had a crush on this black girl back in Middle School named Keshaun and we'd just sit in Science class talking about "U Sexy Motherfucker" and "Diamonds & Pearls."
*****
SUPERSTARS ARE FRONT AND CENTER IN FEBRUARY ON NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"
Prolific SNL Host Steve Martin Returns, Extends Record, Joined By Musical Guest Prince
NEW YORK - January 19, 2006 - NBC's "Saturday Night Live" pulls out the stops on its sole February broadcast with two legendary performers - Steve Martin and Prince (LIVE, February 4, 11:30 p.m. - 1:00 a.m.).
Steve Martin returns to Studio 8H for his record-solidifying 14th hosting appearance. The award-winning actor, comedian, author, playwright and producer's hosting stints have left an indelible impact on SNL's 30-year history. With recurring characters like as the "Wild and Crazy" Czech Festrunk brothers, each Steve Martin-hosted show is an event unto itself.
Martin is set to take on the role of Inspector Clouseau in "The Pink Panther" opposite Kevin Kline and Beyonce Knowles. With scores of film roles to his credit, Martin has most recently been seen in "Shopgirl" (which he adapted from his novella) and the hits "Cheaper By The Dozen" and "Bringing Down the House." Martin starred in such comedy classics as "The Jerk," "All of Me" "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" "Father of the Bride," "Parenthood" and "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." Martin scripted and starred in the hit acclaimed comedies "Three Amigos," "Roxanne," "L.A. Story" and "Bowfinger," as well as in the dramas "Grand Canyon" and "The Spanish Prisoner."
Martin has won Grammys for his comedy records as well as for his banjo work on Earl Scruggs' 75th Anniversary album. He has won raves for his essays in The New Yorker, plays "Picasso at the Lapin Agile" as well as his books "Shopgirl" and "The Pleasure of My Company."
Martin is joined by Rock and Roll Hall of Famer and musical superstar - Prince. Arguably one of the most acclaimed and influential musicians of the 20th century, Prince makes his first appearance on the show since 1981. Fresh off his double Grammy Award-winning release "Musicology" and his top-grossing tour, Prince is back with an eagerly anticipated album "3121" whose first single "Te Amo Corazon" made a major video debut in December. Always on the cutting edge of music and the music business - from his rare triple-threat in "Purple Rain" which was the No. 1 movie, album and single simultaneously in 1984 (winning an Oscar(r) for Best Score as well) to some of his seminal albums, "Sign O'The Times," "Around the World in a Day" and "Diamonds and Pearls" - he has sold over 60 million records and was at the forefront of web-based music distribution with his NPG Music club.
"Saturday Night Live," which premiered on October 11, 1975, is from SNL Studios in association with Broadway Video. The creator and executive producer is Lorne Michaels. Steve Higgins produces. Marci Klein and Mike Shoemaker are producers. Beth McCarthy Miller directs.
*****
Seriously. You all have no idea how much I love PRINCE. I've seen him in concert like five times and own most everything he's ever released. I think it all started when I had a crush on this black girl back in Middle School named Keshaun and we'd just sit in Science class talking about "U Sexy Motherfucker" and "Diamonds & Pearls."
1.17.2006
MUSIC PICKS FOR 1.17.06
Another Tuesday, another reason to spend $20 at the local record shop. Since nothing good actually came out today, I bought some things I had have my eye on for a lil' while.
NELLIE MCKAY * GET AWAY FROM ME
Yes, I know I'm about two years too late getting this album, but shut it. All that matters is that I have it now and I love the hell out of it. It's funny how the reviews on Amazon keep bringing up the "potty mouth" thing. I've listened to the album a couple of times and it's hardly a "fuckfest." (though that's never a bad thing, is it?!) My sister-in-law Meg actually reminded me that I've never picked this album up yet, with all the talk about Columbia not wanting to release her new album the way she wants to (you'd think they'd learn't their lesson with Fiona?!) and I simply adored her version of "If I Needed Someone" on the Rubber Soul tribute album a few months back...so I broke down today and picked it up. She's got amazing talent and reminds me of Jamie Cullum in that she's taking old styles and mixing them with current surroundings. Her use of political themes were a nice touch as well. Overall, I have a weakness for strong, sexy women who know what they want and aren't afraid to say it, so really...I'm shocked it took me this long to pick it up...
SHE WANTS REVENGE * THESE THINGS (EP)
I think "Tear You Apart" is the new "Fuck You Like An Animal" of this decade. It's catchy, (like Closer) and makes you kinda blush and giggle at the same time. So, I bought this 4-song EP from SHE WANTS REVENGE today. Not bad. You can obviously hear the Interpol and Joy Divison in there, but it's MUCH better than 99% of the other shit on the radio. Plus it was like $2.99...that's cheaper than buying the songs off of iTunes!
THE FLAMING LIPS * THE W.A.N.D. (SINGLE)
Speaking of iTunes...you all have downloaded the new FLAMING LIPS single off there, riiiiiight?! (or you stealers might have gotten it from other sites) Now, if April 4th will hurry up and get here and bring along the copy of AT WAR WITH THE MYSTICS that I've been waiting three years for with it, the world would be a much better place.
NELLIE MCKAY * GET AWAY FROM ME
Yes, I know I'm about two years too late getting this album, but shut it. All that matters is that I have it now and I love the hell out of it. It's funny how the reviews on Amazon keep bringing up the "potty mouth" thing. I've listened to the album a couple of times and it's hardly a "fuckfest." (though that's never a bad thing, is it?!) My sister-in-law Meg actually reminded me that I've never picked this album up yet, with all the talk about Columbia not wanting to release her new album the way she wants to (you'd think they'd learn't their lesson with Fiona?!) and I simply adored her version of "If I Needed Someone" on the Rubber Soul tribute album a few months back...so I broke down today and picked it up. She's got amazing talent and reminds me of Jamie Cullum in that she's taking old styles and mixing them with current surroundings. Her use of political themes were a nice touch as well. Overall, I have a weakness for strong, sexy women who know what they want and aren't afraid to say it, so really...I'm shocked it took me this long to pick it up...
SHE WANTS REVENGE * THESE THINGS (EP)
I think "Tear You Apart" is the new "Fuck You Like An Animal" of this decade. It's catchy, (like Closer) and makes you kinda blush and giggle at the same time. So, I bought this 4-song EP from SHE WANTS REVENGE today. Not bad. You can obviously hear the Interpol and Joy Divison in there, but it's MUCH better than 99% of the other shit on the radio. Plus it was like $2.99...that's cheaper than buying the songs off of iTunes!
THE FLAMING LIPS * THE W.A.N.D. (SINGLE)
Speaking of iTunes...you all have downloaded the new FLAMING LIPS single off there, riiiiiight?! (or you stealers might have gotten it from other sites) Now, if April 4th will hurry up and get here and bring along the copy of AT WAR WITH THE MYSTICS that I've been waiting three years for with it, the world would be a much better place.
FUCKING OLYMPICS...
First person that tells me, "You look just like Apolo from the Olympics!" this year is getting a couple knuckle sandwiches to the face.
Seriously, I had to deal with that four years ago. But I suppose anything is better than being compared to Oompa Loompas. Fucking Willy Wonka...
Seriously, I had to deal with that four years ago. But I suppose anything is better than being compared to Oompa Loompas. Fucking Willy Wonka...
1.15.2006
24!!!
Tonight's the night! Set the TiVOS, dust off the VCR's or just actually sit there and watch it! 2 episodes back to back! I guarantee you won't find a more intense, action-packed 2 hours on TV tonight.
He faked his death at the end of last season, so tonight is a perfect "jumping on" point...
C'mon, "one of us, one of us, one of..."
He faked his death at the end of last season, so tonight is a perfect "jumping on" point...
C'mon, "one of us, one of us, one of..."
1.12.2006
SOMETIMES I MISS BEING IN SCHOOL...
Porn Assignment Canceled After Parents Complain
BROOKLYN, Ohio (Jan. 13) - A high school assignment to research and write about Internet pornography was canceled after parents complained, the school's superintendent said.
The 14- and 15-year-old students at Brooklyn High School, outside of Cleveland, Ohio, were asked to research pornography on the Internet and list eight facts about it. They were also asked to write about their personal view toward the subject and their experience with it.
Superintendent Jeff Lampert said that although the teacher's goal to discuss the harmful effects of pornography was well-intentioned, he agreed with parents that the assignment was inappropriate for students.
Lampert said he doubted the teacher would face punishment.
*******
My favorite is the "List eight facts about it" part! What in the hell could those be?! "The monthly charges are about as high as my house payment?!" "When it says 'Teenagers' it's mostly just women in their forties with their hair in pigtails?!"
See, I can only come up with TWO!!!
BROOKLYN, Ohio (Jan. 13) - A high school assignment to research and write about Internet pornography was canceled after parents complained, the school's superintendent said.
The 14- and 15-year-old students at Brooklyn High School, outside of Cleveland, Ohio, were asked to research pornography on the Internet and list eight facts about it. They were also asked to write about their personal view toward the subject and their experience with it.
Superintendent Jeff Lampert said that although the teacher's goal to discuss the harmful effects of pornography was well-intentioned, he agreed with parents that the assignment was inappropriate for students.
Lampert said he doubted the teacher would face punishment.
*******
My favorite is the "List eight facts about it" part! What in the hell could those be?! "The monthly charges are about as high as my house payment?!" "When it says 'Teenagers' it's mostly just women in their forties with their hair in pigtails?!"
See, I can only come up with TWO!!!
COOL NEW ACTION FIGURES!!!
Don't gimme that look...
I went to the comic shop today, picked up the latest copy of Toyfair and found some kickass toys I'll be seeking out over the next month or so...
AVENGING UNICORN!
Look closely and you'll see that the Unicorn has actually impaled the Mime! It also comes with a Business Man and a New Age Woman, so the fun truly never ends!!!
CRAZY CAT LADY!
Ummmm, no comment.
And the best of all isn't even online yet, so I'll scan it and post it later on...but trust me, it'll be worth the wait!
I went to the comic shop today, picked up the latest copy of Toyfair and found some kickass toys I'll be seeking out over the next month or so...
AVENGING UNICORN!
Look closely and you'll see that the Unicorn has actually impaled the Mime! It also comes with a Business Man and a New Age Woman, so the fun truly never ends!!!
CRAZY CAT LADY!
Ummmm, no comment.
And the best of all isn't even online yet, so I'll scan it and post it later on...but trust me, it'll be worth the wait!
1.11.2006
BEST BOOKS IN 2005!!!
(Note...these didn't all come out in 2005, but since I read them in 2005, they count. So NYAH!)
THE AMAZING JOY BUZZARDS VOL. ONE
This was my favorite ongoing comic in 2005. A rock band that also fought monsters and crazy shit! It was fun and adventurous and best of all, the art was jaw droppingly beautiful! So simple, so clean, so crisp! Makes me wish I had talent like that.
NIGHT FISHER
A incredible journey of Loren Foster through his Senior year in high school, getting caught up in seamy friendships, trying crystal meth, commiting petty crime and trying to get the girl of his dreams to even notice he's alive. A debut graphic novel from R. Kikuo Johnson, who does an amazing job capturing the story's setting of Maui, Hawaii. You feel as if you're right alongside Loren as he goes through the trials of "what the fuck am I supposed to do with my life NOW?!" My pick as BOOK OF THE YEAR.
ICE HAVEN
Daniel Clowes, the creator of GHOST WORLD and EIGHTBALL, creates an interesting mix of intertwining characters and stories that result in a sad, haunting, funny and absurd tale. It's told in numerous art styles that range from Sunday Funnies to bare necessities. It takes you a little while to realize that the different characters and the different styles are all tied together, but once it starts falling into place, things really get interesting.
IT'S A BIRD...
Yes, a graphic novel about Superman makes it onto my BEST BOOKS OF 2005 list. You have no idea how amazing and powerful this book is until you read it for yourself. The author, Steven T. Seagle, struggles with the fact he is asked to write a Superman story. He's got issues with the character. The costume, the ideals, the flawless nature of "The Man Of Steel." But most of all, the fact that Superman is connected to a very painful memory of his past. This book isn't really even about Superman, but the author's family secret of Huntington's disease. If you haven't read a comic in a long while (or ever) I'd suggest picking this up. The art is fantastic and totally different than most of the other shit on the stands these days. And best of all, it's a grown up story of looking at these silly superheroes in a real sense of meaningfulness and purpose. I'm telling you, you'll love it.
THE TRUTH (WITH JOKES)
Not as good as LIES AND THE LYING LIARS THAT TELL THEM, but this one was a strong follow-up. First half, basically just went through what happened in 2004 with turning Kerry into a terrorist sympathizer with the help of the Swift Boats and Karl Rove and the second half focuses on what's going on currently. A funny and entertaining read.
THE LAST TRUE STORY I'LL EVER TELL
This book grabs you with the first chapter and doesn't let go. It's a surreal story of a National Guardsman who is called up for duty on his Honeymoon...only months away from completing his time served. He's thrown into Iraq and spends most of his time guarding Gas Stations and watching Iraqi children fight each other. But there are some tense moments, that will have you on the edge of your seat. It does a good job of not letting you know what's around the corner and what's going to happen next. An excellent and quick read.
THE AMAZING JOY BUZZARDS VOL. ONE
This was my favorite ongoing comic in 2005. A rock band that also fought monsters and crazy shit! It was fun and adventurous and best of all, the art was jaw droppingly beautiful! So simple, so clean, so crisp! Makes me wish I had talent like that.
NIGHT FISHER
A incredible journey of Loren Foster through his Senior year in high school, getting caught up in seamy friendships, trying crystal meth, commiting petty crime and trying to get the girl of his dreams to even notice he's alive. A debut graphic novel from R. Kikuo Johnson, who does an amazing job capturing the story's setting of Maui, Hawaii. You feel as if you're right alongside Loren as he goes through the trials of "what the fuck am I supposed to do with my life NOW?!" My pick as BOOK OF THE YEAR.
ICE HAVEN
Daniel Clowes, the creator of GHOST WORLD and EIGHTBALL, creates an interesting mix of intertwining characters and stories that result in a sad, haunting, funny and absurd tale. It's told in numerous art styles that range from Sunday Funnies to bare necessities. It takes you a little while to realize that the different characters and the different styles are all tied together, but once it starts falling into place, things really get interesting.
IT'S A BIRD...
Yes, a graphic novel about Superman makes it onto my BEST BOOKS OF 2005 list. You have no idea how amazing and powerful this book is until you read it for yourself. The author, Steven T. Seagle, struggles with the fact he is asked to write a Superman story. He's got issues with the character. The costume, the ideals, the flawless nature of "The Man Of Steel." But most of all, the fact that Superman is connected to a very painful memory of his past. This book isn't really even about Superman, but the author's family secret of Huntington's disease. If you haven't read a comic in a long while (or ever) I'd suggest picking this up. The art is fantastic and totally different than most of the other shit on the stands these days. And best of all, it's a grown up story of looking at these silly superheroes in a real sense of meaningfulness and purpose. I'm telling you, you'll love it.
THE TRUTH (WITH JOKES)
Not as good as LIES AND THE LYING LIARS THAT TELL THEM, but this one was a strong follow-up. First half, basically just went through what happened in 2004 with turning Kerry into a terrorist sympathizer with the help of the Swift Boats and Karl Rove and the second half focuses on what's going on currently. A funny and entertaining read.
THE LAST TRUE STORY I'LL EVER TELL
This book grabs you with the first chapter and doesn't let go. It's a surreal story of a National Guardsman who is called up for duty on his Honeymoon...only months away from completing his time served. He's thrown into Iraq and spends most of his time guarding Gas Stations and watching Iraqi children fight each other. But there are some tense moments, that will have you on the edge of your seat. It does a good job of not letting you know what's around the corner and what's going to happen next. An excellent and quick read.
1.10.2006
TRAVIS' MUSIC CLUB!!!
Hey, if Oprah gets her Book one, why not?!
This week's selection:
WE ARE SCIENTISTS
WITH LOVE & SQUALOR
Catchy catchy catchy! I've waited for this debut album to hit stores for over a couple months now. Their song, "LOUSY REPUTATION" was stuck in my head ever since I started playing SSX ON TOUR back in November. I was lucky enough to find their single for "NOBODY MOVE, NOBODY GET HURT" at my local independent record shop (NEEDMORE DISCS!) and I'm telling you, these guys are going to be huge this year. A fairly impressive debut album, they've been touring their asses off all over Europe and are like an episode of the OC away from being all over American radio. (hopefully they won't seriously do that. I read a great article about how Clap Your Hands Say Yeah just turned that down...good for them!)
But yeah, pick it up and you won't be disappointed. Plus, how can you go wrong with that cover?! It's so damn cute!!!
This week's selection:
WE ARE SCIENTISTS
WITH LOVE & SQUALOR
Catchy catchy catchy! I've waited for this debut album to hit stores for over a couple months now. Their song, "LOUSY REPUTATION" was stuck in my head ever since I started playing SSX ON TOUR back in November. I was lucky enough to find their single for "NOBODY MOVE, NOBODY GET HURT" at my local independent record shop (NEEDMORE DISCS!) and I'm telling you, these guys are going to be huge this year. A fairly impressive debut album, they've been touring their asses off all over Europe and are like an episode of the OC away from being all over American radio. (hopefully they won't seriously do that. I read a great article about how Clap Your Hands Say Yeah just turned that down...good for them!)
But yeah, pick it up and you won't be disappointed. Plus, how can you go wrong with that cover?! It's so damn cute!!!
1.07.2006
BEST TV OF 2005!!!
Yeah, I'm going to continue making these lists until about mid-March, so bare with me...
24
The new season starts next week and if it's anything like last season, you're in for one hell of a ride! The gimmick about the "real time" could've easily blown up in their faces, but they have some amazing writers on this show and truly have you on the edge of your seat throughout the entire hour. (The last 5 minutes are usually so intense I end up cursing out the screen! "YOU CAN'T FUCKING END IT LIKE THAT!!! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NOW!!!) If you've never given the show a try, check it out. The best part of waiting to premere it in January is NO FUCKING REPEATS! You hear me? Every single week until the month of May you get a fresh new episode! All TV shows should have the balls to do that.
LOST
Again, the "plane crashing on a deserted island" gimmick could've been so corny if it wasn't like the LEAST interesting part of the show! Sure, the island has tons of mysteries, but the characters are what makes LOST so damn addictive. Every episode takes a character and tells a part of their past in flashbacks while discovering clues about what exactly this island is all about. It's been awhile since something has been this smart and intriguing on television. It's easily my favorite drama on TV.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
Easily the funniest thing on television. Yes, I know the REST OF AMERICA could give a flying fuck, but this show is very, very, very funny. If there's any justice in the world either ABC or Showtime will finalize the deals and produce more episodes and give it a decent timeslot. FOX has screwed over plenty of good shows, they don't deserve to ruin this one any longer. There's only like 4 or 5 episodes left this season...if you haven't ever watched it, check it out. I guarantee you'll laugh your nuts off...unless you don't have nuts. In which case, you must have already BEEN a fan. (note to self, quit updating your blog at wee hours in the morning...)
SIX FEET UNDER
Best HBO show in my opinion. I was glad it went out on a high note instead of dragging on until it got boring. The season finale was beautiful and honestly, I could've have wanted it to end any other way. One of the best season finales of all time. Go rent the DVD's if you've never checked it out. It'll have you hooked from the very begining.
THE OFFICE
My personal favorite overall show on TV. I'd call it a comedy, but honestly it's the love story between Pam and Jim that has me tuning in week after week. I was a HUGE fan of the BBC version and expected this one to suck reeeeeeally bad. Luckily I was wrong and it's slowly but surely finding it's groove. Just got bumped to Thursday nights with MY NAME IS EARL, so you should easily be able to find it now.
OTHER SHOWS I LOVED BUT AM TOO LAZY TO HUNT DOWN PHOTOS OF:
* COMMEDIANS OF COMEDY
* 30 DAYS
* REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
* COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN
* THE DAILY SHOW / COLBERT REPORT
SHOWS I WISHED I WATCHED:
* THE STAIRCASE - Never even heard of it until I started reading other people's BEST TV OF 2005 Lists. Now I have it on the way from Blockcuster Online as we speak!
* PENN & TELLER'S BULLSHIT - since I don't have Showtime I have to wait until the DVD's come out
* RESCUE ME - always forget it's on and then get so far behind figure I'll just wait until the entire season is on DVD
* THE SHIELD - people tell me this is damn good and right up there with 24...I'll probably check it out one of these days.
* BEST WEEK EVER - love it when I remember it's on! Also, has the same timeslot as REAL TIME, so it's always going to lose that battle. (Shut up those of you with TiVOS...I can't hear you nah nah naaaaaah nah)
* CURRENT TV - one of these days my backward-ass-cable company will give us this channel...right?!
GREAT CAST, HORRIBLE WRITING:
* SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE - C'mon...I could write better than the shit that makes it to the air. But the cast is seriously the best it's been in years.
SHOW I THINK MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN MUCH BETTER IF THEY GAVE IT A SECOND SEASON:
* OVER THERE - The subplot with the kid who got his leg blown off and had to re-adjust his life back in the states was so stretched out and boring, but the scenes over in Iraq were amazing. The entire episode where they had to sit and patrol a checkpoint station and shoot anyone who wouldn't stop had me on the edge of my seat the whole hour.
24
The new season starts next week and if it's anything like last season, you're in for one hell of a ride! The gimmick about the "real time" could've easily blown up in their faces, but they have some amazing writers on this show and truly have you on the edge of your seat throughout the entire hour. (The last 5 minutes are usually so intense I end up cursing out the screen! "YOU CAN'T FUCKING END IT LIKE THAT!!! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NOW!!!) If you've never given the show a try, check it out. The best part of waiting to premere it in January is NO FUCKING REPEATS! You hear me? Every single week until the month of May you get a fresh new episode! All TV shows should have the balls to do that.
LOST
Again, the "plane crashing on a deserted island" gimmick could've been so corny if it wasn't like the LEAST interesting part of the show! Sure, the island has tons of mysteries, but the characters are what makes LOST so damn addictive. Every episode takes a character and tells a part of their past in flashbacks while discovering clues about what exactly this island is all about. It's been awhile since something has been this smart and intriguing on television. It's easily my favorite drama on TV.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
Easily the funniest thing on television. Yes, I know the REST OF AMERICA could give a flying fuck, but this show is very, very, very funny. If there's any justice in the world either ABC or Showtime will finalize the deals and produce more episodes and give it a decent timeslot. FOX has screwed over plenty of good shows, they don't deserve to ruin this one any longer. There's only like 4 or 5 episodes left this season...if you haven't ever watched it, check it out. I guarantee you'll laugh your nuts off...unless you don't have nuts. In which case, you must have already BEEN a fan. (note to self, quit updating your blog at wee hours in the morning...)
SIX FEET UNDER
Best HBO show in my opinion. I was glad it went out on a high note instead of dragging on until it got boring. The season finale was beautiful and honestly, I could've have wanted it to end any other way. One of the best season finales of all time. Go rent the DVD's if you've never checked it out. It'll have you hooked from the very begining.
THE OFFICE
My personal favorite overall show on TV. I'd call it a comedy, but honestly it's the love story between Pam and Jim that has me tuning in week after week. I was a HUGE fan of the BBC version and expected this one to suck reeeeeeally bad. Luckily I was wrong and it's slowly but surely finding it's groove. Just got bumped to Thursday nights with MY NAME IS EARL, so you should easily be able to find it now.
OTHER SHOWS I LOVED BUT AM TOO LAZY TO HUNT DOWN PHOTOS OF:
* COMMEDIANS OF COMEDY
* 30 DAYS
* REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
* COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN
* THE DAILY SHOW / COLBERT REPORT
SHOWS I WISHED I WATCHED:
* THE STAIRCASE - Never even heard of it until I started reading other people's BEST TV OF 2005 Lists. Now I have it on the way from Blockcuster Online as we speak!
* PENN & TELLER'S BULLSHIT - since I don't have Showtime I have to wait until the DVD's come out
* RESCUE ME - always forget it's on and then get so far behind figure I'll just wait until the entire season is on DVD
* THE SHIELD - people tell me this is damn good and right up there with 24...I'll probably check it out one of these days.
* BEST WEEK EVER - love it when I remember it's on! Also, has the same timeslot as REAL TIME, so it's always going to lose that battle. (Shut up those of you with TiVOS...I can't hear you nah nah naaaaaah nah)
* CURRENT TV - one of these days my backward-ass-cable company will give us this channel...right?!
GREAT CAST, HORRIBLE WRITING:
* SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE - C'mon...I could write better than the shit that makes it to the air. But the cast is seriously the best it's been in years.
SHOW I THINK MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN MUCH BETTER IF THEY GAVE IT A SECOND SEASON:
* OVER THERE - The subplot with the kid who got his leg blown off and had to re-adjust his life back in the states was so stretched out and boring, but the scenes over in Iraq were amazing. The entire episode where they had to sit and patrol a checkpoint station and shoot anyone who wouldn't stop had me on the edge of my seat the whole hour.
1.05.2006
SWEET!
Jon Stewart to host Oscar ceremony
Thursday January 5 12:35 PM ET
Jon Stewart, the irreverent anchorman and co-writer of the mock television newscast "The Daily Show," will be the host of this year's Academy Awards ceremony, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said on Thursday.
It will be Stewart's first stint as Oscar host and marks his transformation from a satirist with a cult TV following to a mainstream entertainer.
Gil Cates, who will produce the March 5 televised Oscar ceremony, said Stewart was "the epitome of a perfect host -- smart, engaging, irreverent and funny."
Academy President Sid Ganis said Stewart, who follows the likes of comedians Chris Rock, Billy Crystal and Steve Martin, was "a terrific addition to our roster of great hosts."
Stewart's "Daily Show," which airs on the Comedy Central network, has won multiple Emmy awards and become one of the United States' most popular cable TV shows in the past six years.
"As a performer, I'm truly honored to be hosting the show," Stewart said. "Although, as an avid watcher of the Oscars, I can't help but be a little disappointed with the choice. It appears to be another sad attempt to smoke out Billy Crystal."
Producers of the telecast have made strenuous efforts in recent years to lure back younger viewers to Hollywood's biggest night. Rock, last year's host, introduced an edgy, provocative tone to the show and drew a mixed reception.
The 78th Academy Awards will be presented in Hollywood on March 5 in a live television broadcast by ABC.
Thursday January 5 12:35 PM ET
Jon Stewart, the irreverent anchorman and co-writer of the mock television newscast "The Daily Show," will be the host of this year's Academy Awards ceremony, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences said on Thursday.
It will be Stewart's first stint as Oscar host and marks his transformation from a satirist with a cult TV following to a mainstream entertainer.
Gil Cates, who will produce the March 5 televised Oscar ceremony, said Stewart was "the epitome of a perfect host -- smart, engaging, irreverent and funny."
Academy President Sid Ganis said Stewart, who follows the likes of comedians Chris Rock, Billy Crystal and Steve Martin, was "a terrific addition to our roster of great hosts."
Stewart's "Daily Show," which airs on the Comedy Central network, has won multiple Emmy awards and become one of the United States' most popular cable TV shows in the past six years.
"As a performer, I'm truly honored to be hosting the show," Stewart said. "Although, as an avid watcher of the Oscars, I can't help but be a little disappointed with the choice. It appears to be another sad attempt to smoke out Billy Crystal."
Producers of the telecast have made strenuous efforts in recent years to lure back younger viewers to Hollywood's biggest night. Rock, last year's host, introduced an edgy, provocative tone to the show and drew a mixed reception.
The 78th Academy Awards will be presented in Hollywood on March 5 in a live television broadcast by ABC.
BEST FILMS OF 2005!!!
Yeah, I know we're like a week into 2006, but I never got around to doing this earlier, so shut it.
In no particular order...
BATMAN BEGINS
Don't kid yourself. This isn't just a "Good Comic Book Movie" it's a good MOVIE on it's own. I knew with the terrific cast and Christopher Nolan at the helm that it had pretty good chances of being decent, but I wasn't prepared for the first half of the movie SETTING UP Bruce Wayne as Batman and the and the second half KICKING MY ASS! I still admit to cheering when the Batmobile flew over the bridge just as the cops are telling Gordon "There's no one left to send in there!" C'mon, don't act like you're too good to love this film. It made me feel like a kid again and set up the idea of a man in a bat costume who fights crime as something that not only could happen...but wouldn't come off as laughable.
SIN CITY
No, they're not ALL going to be comic book movies...I swear! But both this and Batman proved that when done correctly, you can make some awesome films based off a graphic novel! This one at first was my favorite based mostly on the visual style. You've never seen blacks this dark and whites this bright in the same frame before...god damn, it's a thing of beauty! But after re-watching the DVD recently (the double disc, not the shitty single one) and have the ability to watch each story on it's own...I must admit that the stories themselves hold up very nicely as well! All in all, an amazing feat and one of the best adaptations we're likely to ever see on the big screen. Frame by frame, this IS Sin City!
JARHEAD
This is the Seinfeld of war movies. It's truly about nothing. No big battle sceens, no happy ending, no feeling that much got accomplished. And the worst is the fact that they didn't get to KILL anybody! That's basically the point. You take these guys, train them to kill, to want the kill so badly they can taste it...and then when the war comes, you send in tanks and fighter jets and let missles win the damn thing for you instead. The movie follows a sniper who never gets his chance to prove himself. And really showed war in a different light. The day to day monotony that creeps under your skin after being in the desert for three months. The constant fear that your gilrfriend back home is fucking someone else. The boredom, the heat, the media, the heat, the sand...it was such a refreshing look at what goes on behind the sceens.
MURDERBALL
Fuck the penguins...this is the best documentary of the year! A look into the lives of paraplegic rugby players on their quest to defeat those damn Candians in the Olympics! Best of all, these aren't the "woe is me" handicaped people you are used to seeing. Most of these guys were daring and dangerous and were in motorcross accidents or car wrecks and want to know as soon as they wake up after surgery if they'll ever be able to masterbate again! It also has one of the greatest villians to grace the screen in movie history. The coach of the Canada team who used to be a USA Olympic champion. Great stuff!
SYRIANA
Not the easiest movie to follow along with, but god damn did it have some powerful scenes. The plot is similar to TRAFFIC in that there are 10 different plots going on at the same time, in different parts of the world, all connected to oil and the Middle East. George Clooney owns this film and the scene with him and the Oil Executive pictured above is one of the best scenes of the year. Clooney is the master and is behind two of my favorite films of the year.
MILLIONS
Heartfelt and genuine. Danny Boyle's latest film is good enough that I didn't mind it didn't have any zombies in it. I fucking cried at the end, okay...that's how much I got attached to this film. It's rated like G or something and totally a children's film, but deals with grown-up decisions and the idea that if we had the power to change things for the better, would we use it...or just buy a new speedboat?! Fuck you for judging me, I love this film.
WALK THE LINE
To be honest, I didn't really want to see this in the theaters. I figured it was going to be "okay" and seemed like something I'd put on my Blockbuster account in a few months. Besides, it was Molly's turn to pick a film and she wanted to see Harry Potter! So we drive to the theater and Harry Potter is sold out...on a Wednesday afternoon?! Stupid kids and their holiday breaks. So we see this instead. I'm beyond glad we did, cause I would put this in my top three films of 2005! The love between Johnny and June couldn't be stopped. They meet right after he signs his record deal. He's married and has three kids and has to leave them behind to go off on tour. June's skirt gets caught on his guitar backstage and they instantly see something in each other's eyes. Something deep, something real. She's married too and so they fight their temptation. Over ten years pass, Johnny can't live without her. He waits and waits. Asks for her to marry him like 20 different times. And finally, after his divorce and her three divorces, they give into each other and live the rest of their lives as if they were the only two people in the universe. Just a beautiful love story. Oh...and the music is fucking awesome!
MUNICH
My second pick for best film of the year is right here. Spielberg has simply outdone himself. Truly one of his best films. The tension, the characters, the camerawork, this is like the greatest James Bond movie that will never be made. I loved every second of it, even the fake scene of them talking to PLO members...It's easily one of the best films both in terms of enjoyment and meaningfulness. You leave wanting to find out so much more about the entire conflict. And a newfound understanding of how deeply grey the notion of "terrorism" really is.
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
Hands down, my favorite film of the entire year. Perfect, simply perfect. Nothing could be added or taken away from it, George Clooney deserves a blank check at Warner Brothers to create whatever type of motion picture he feels like. He's earned it. Actors aren't supposed to make films so powerful, so unique, so timeless that it will still be relevent 50 years from now and would've have been fitting 50 years ago as well. I cannot tell you enough how much I loved this film. Here's to the Oscars doing some justice and at LEAST nominating it. In a year of giant blockbusters and sequels we didn't need, a black and white PG art film made the top of my list. Who would've guessed?!
And now, here's some other lists...
FILMS I WISHED I WOULD'VE SEEN (or still need to) THAT WOULD PROBABLY CHANGE MY LIST...
-THE ARISTOCRATS
-BROKEBACK MOUTAIN
-CAPOTE
-2046
-BROKEN FLOWERS
-THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
-JESUS IS MAGIC
OVERHYPED MOVIE OF THE YEAR
-HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
Seriously, this is on waaaaaaay too many Top Ten lists out there. I saw it, and yeah, it was good. But c'mon, the dialouge was laughable at times and the entire subplot with his son and the bully was something out of a after-school special. I liked it, but in no way thought it was as good as everyone is making it out to be.
SHOULD'VE BEEN TWO MOVIES
-HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
Didn't read the book, but I could totally tell they left out WAY too much information. It was 3 hours and felt like it was a Cliff Notes version of a larger story. They had the idea to make it into two films and should've had the balls to follow through with it.
SHOULD'VE BEEN AN HOUR AND 1/2
-KING KONG
Leave the entire part where they're on the island, and cut the fuck out of the beginning and ending. So many things go absolutely nowehere and for fuck's sake, it's KING KONG...not Citizen Kane. Not everything needs to be 3 hours Peter Jackson! Someone give the man a memo...
MOVIE THAT WAS MUUUUUCH BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
-MR. AND MRS. SMITH
Smart, entertaining and um...hottest couple ever. I had to take two showers to calm down after watching that. What did I say about judging me?!
In no particular order...
BATMAN BEGINS
Don't kid yourself. This isn't just a "Good Comic Book Movie" it's a good MOVIE on it's own. I knew with the terrific cast and Christopher Nolan at the helm that it had pretty good chances of being decent, but I wasn't prepared for the first half of the movie SETTING UP Bruce Wayne as Batman and the and the second half KICKING MY ASS! I still admit to cheering when the Batmobile flew over the bridge just as the cops are telling Gordon "There's no one left to send in there!" C'mon, don't act like you're too good to love this film. It made me feel like a kid again and set up the idea of a man in a bat costume who fights crime as something that not only could happen...but wouldn't come off as laughable.
SIN CITY
No, they're not ALL going to be comic book movies...I swear! But both this and Batman proved that when done correctly, you can make some awesome films based off a graphic novel! This one at first was my favorite based mostly on the visual style. You've never seen blacks this dark and whites this bright in the same frame before...god damn, it's a thing of beauty! But after re-watching the DVD recently (the double disc, not the shitty single one) and have the ability to watch each story on it's own...I must admit that the stories themselves hold up very nicely as well! All in all, an amazing feat and one of the best adaptations we're likely to ever see on the big screen. Frame by frame, this IS Sin City!
JARHEAD
This is the Seinfeld of war movies. It's truly about nothing. No big battle sceens, no happy ending, no feeling that much got accomplished. And the worst is the fact that they didn't get to KILL anybody! That's basically the point. You take these guys, train them to kill, to want the kill so badly they can taste it...and then when the war comes, you send in tanks and fighter jets and let missles win the damn thing for you instead. The movie follows a sniper who never gets his chance to prove himself. And really showed war in a different light. The day to day monotony that creeps under your skin after being in the desert for three months. The constant fear that your gilrfriend back home is fucking someone else. The boredom, the heat, the media, the heat, the sand...it was such a refreshing look at what goes on behind the sceens.
MURDERBALL
Fuck the penguins...this is the best documentary of the year! A look into the lives of paraplegic rugby players on their quest to defeat those damn Candians in the Olympics! Best of all, these aren't the "woe is me" handicaped people you are used to seeing. Most of these guys were daring and dangerous and were in motorcross accidents or car wrecks and want to know as soon as they wake up after surgery if they'll ever be able to masterbate again! It also has one of the greatest villians to grace the screen in movie history. The coach of the Canada team who used to be a USA Olympic champion. Great stuff!
SYRIANA
Not the easiest movie to follow along with, but god damn did it have some powerful scenes. The plot is similar to TRAFFIC in that there are 10 different plots going on at the same time, in different parts of the world, all connected to oil and the Middle East. George Clooney owns this film and the scene with him and the Oil Executive pictured above is one of the best scenes of the year. Clooney is the master and is behind two of my favorite films of the year.
MILLIONS
Heartfelt and genuine. Danny Boyle's latest film is good enough that I didn't mind it didn't have any zombies in it. I fucking cried at the end, okay...that's how much I got attached to this film. It's rated like G or something and totally a children's film, but deals with grown-up decisions and the idea that if we had the power to change things for the better, would we use it...or just buy a new speedboat?! Fuck you for judging me, I love this film.
WALK THE LINE
To be honest, I didn't really want to see this in the theaters. I figured it was going to be "okay" and seemed like something I'd put on my Blockbuster account in a few months. Besides, it was Molly's turn to pick a film and she wanted to see Harry Potter! So we drive to the theater and Harry Potter is sold out...on a Wednesday afternoon?! Stupid kids and their holiday breaks. So we see this instead. I'm beyond glad we did, cause I would put this in my top three films of 2005! The love between Johnny and June couldn't be stopped. They meet right after he signs his record deal. He's married and has three kids and has to leave them behind to go off on tour. June's skirt gets caught on his guitar backstage and they instantly see something in each other's eyes. Something deep, something real. She's married too and so they fight their temptation. Over ten years pass, Johnny can't live without her. He waits and waits. Asks for her to marry him like 20 different times. And finally, after his divorce and her three divorces, they give into each other and live the rest of their lives as if they were the only two people in the universe. Just a beautiful love story. Oh...and the music is fucking awesome!
MUNICH
My second pick for best film of the year is right here. Spielberg has simply outdone himself. Truly one of his best films. The tension, the characters, the camerawork, this is like the greatest James Bond movie that will never be made. I loved every second of it, even the fake scene of them talking to PLO members...It's easily one of the best films both in terms of enjoyment and meaningfulness. You leave wanting to find out so much more about the entire conflict. And a newfound understanding of how deeply grey the notion of "terrorism" really is.
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
Hands down, my favorite film of the entire year. Perfect, simply perfect. Nothing could be added or taken away from it, George Clooney deserves a blank check at Warner Brothers to create whatever type of motion picture he feels like. He's earned it. Actors aren't supposed to make films so powerful, so unique, so timeless that it will still be relevent 50 years from now and would've have been fitting 50 years ago as well. I cannot tell you enough how much I loved this film. Here's to the Oscars doing some justice and at LEAST nominating it. In a year of giant blockbusters and sequels we didn't need, a black and white PG art film made the top of my list. Who would've guessed?!
And now, here's some other lists...
FILMS I WISHED I WOULD'VE SEEN (or still need to) THAT WOULD PROBABLY CHANGE MY LIST...
-THE ARISTOCRATS
-BROKEBACK MOUTAIN
-CAPOTE
-2046
-BROKEN FLOWERS
-THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
-JESUS IS MAGIC
OVERHYPED MOVIE OF THE YEAR
-HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
Seriously, this is on waaaaaaay too many Top Ten lists out there. I saw it, and yeah, it was good. But c'mon, the dialouge was laughable at times and the entire subplot with his son and the bully was something out of a after-school special. I liked it, but in no way thought it was as good as everyone is making it out to be.
SHOULD'VE BEEN TWO MOVIES
-HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
Didn't read the book, but I could totally tell they left out WAY too much information. It was 3 hours and felt like it was a Cliff Notes version of a larger story. They had the idea to make it into two films and should've had the balls to follow through with it.
SHOULD'VE BEEN AN HOUR AND 1/2
-KING KONG
Leave the entire part where they're on the island, and cut the fuck out of the beginning and ending. So many things go absolutely nowehere and for fuck's sake, it's KING KONG...not Citizen Kane. Not everything needs to be 3 hours Peter Jackson! Someone give the man a memo...
MOVIE THAT WAS MUUUUUCH BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
-MR. AND MRS. SMITH
Smart, entertaining and um...hottest couple ever. I had to take two showers to calm down after watching that. What did I say about judging me?!
REMINDER...
THE OFFICE is on Thursdays now.
Also, expect plenty of updates today because Lex is home sick and there ain't shit on TV in the afternoons.
That is all.
Also, expect plenty of updates today because Lex is home sick and there ain't shit on TV in the afternoons.
That is all.
1.04.2006
DAVID LETTERMAN VS. BILL O"REILLY
Man o' man...this was fun to watch last night. Guess who won?!
Letterman is my hero. You would never, ever see Leno stand up to someone like this. EVER.
That link won't work, so try this one...
http://video.cgi.cbs.com/video/video.pl?url=cbs/cbs/g2demand/entertainment/mini/lateshow/highlights/2006/01/20060103.rm&plugin=1&proto=rtsp
Letterman is my hero. You would never, ever see Leno stand up to someone like this. EVER.
That link won't work, so try this one...
http://video.cgi.cbs.com/video/video.pl?url=cbs/cbs/g2demand/entertainment/mini/lateshow/highlights/2006/01/20060103.rm&plugin=1&proto=rtsp
I DID THIS WEEK'S PREVIEW COVER?!
I'm telling you, The Kansas City Star is reeeeeally getting desperate. (and please note the actual cover will be slightly different. They'll add the actual background color and "Preview" and "Free Dates" on their own. I just did it to earn extra credit.) I'll scan the printed version on Thursday evening.
And please tell me you went out and bought the new STROKES album today...right?! RIGHT?!!!
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