First things first, this DJ calls himself "Dick Dale," but we both know that's not his real name. When it was first annonuced that 96.5 was getting the "Dick Dale Show" I was hoping it was THE Dick Dale doing some sort of syndicated show...but alas, we're left with this guy.

Second thing is that, in order to further understand my emails and swipes at the guy, you really should check out his website first. If for nothing else than to see for yourself that radio disc jockeys are a dime a dozen. They all have the "shtick" that just drives people away from radio in droves. This guy has "Got Dick?" shirts...that sums up pretty much everything right there.

And finally, this is totally one-sided since he never emailed me back and the station doesn't have any archives for me to pull transcripts from...so it's all from my noggin and therefore not exact...but it's still absolutely insane!

This whole thing got started because of this mother fucker:


Dick Dale had just started last Monday and I hadn't listened to see what the new "morning show" would be like...so come Tuesday morning, I turn it on and hear him talking about Ralph Finnes (which his "sidekick" kept pronouncing RALPH!) and the airline incident, then he states "Coming up next, we're going to be talking to James Van Praagh!" I immediately cringed...what the fuck?! The guy that talks to dead people?! But Dick soon followed up with, "I'm anxious to talk to him because I think he's a fake who cons people into thinking he can talk to the dead." As it stands now, me & the Dick are best friends forever! I cannot stand these "Mediums" either and looked forward to hearing how the interview was going to go...

At the beginning of the interview, everyone was nice to each other, James was plugging some "Valentine's Day Seance" bullshit on CBS.com. Then, Dick took some "calls." I say "calls" because they were obviously prank calls that Dick had arranged before the interview in order to "challenge" James without having to do it to his face. But instead of calling him a snake oil salesman, the callers (more than one) questioned his sexuality. All the while, Dick was hitting a button that would play a recording that said something to the effect of "He's GAY!" over and over again.

I was dumbfounded. Here you have a person who preys on people's emotions by acting like he has the "magical power" to talk to the dead...and you're making fun of him for being gay?! So...I wrote Dick an email:

I listened to your show for the first time this morning hoping it wouldn't be the "usual wild & craaaaaaazy" morning show with the sound effects and shock-jock shit. It started off decent, but quickly slid right into the stereotype that everyone already hates about radio.

You stated that James Van Praagh was going to be on. I immediately cringed. Luckily you explained that you hated him and felt like he was fucking with people by using their grief to act like he was "talking to their loved ones." I was intrigued...so far, so good.

Then came the actual interview, where instead of taking him head-on, you resort to "Jim Jim?!" and other obviously fake callers to call in and say he sounds gay? Seriously? Then, to just get the point across for everyone listening (which you must think are too stupid to "get it") you begin hitting the wacky sound effect button. "He's Queer!!!" Wow...I was stunned.

I'm all about crude humor. David Cross, Patton Oswaldt, Bill Hicks are gods amongst men...but this was lame, unfunny and honestly an insult to both your listeners and James.

He's a bastard who preys upon people by lying and saying he has the "magic power" to talk to the dead...and you go after the fact that he might be gay? What the fuck, Dick? You had an amazing chance to show some balls and call him out on the air, but instead you took the easy "morning show" route.

I read how you consider your show to be "The Daily Show" on radio. But imagine how Jon Stewart would've handled this...he would have done a tiny bit of research, (which...seriously, do either of you do ANY show-prep?! RALPH Fiennes? I was laughing harder at that than at anything else) you would've seen that http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Van_Praagh he has quite a few mistakes could have exposed him for the fraud he is.

But no, keep going with the "He sucks dick!!!" jokes...see how far that gets you.

...yeeeeeeah, not really too bad. I mean, I called him out for taking the "morning show route" and not doing any sort of show-prep, but never called him any names.

So, all Wednesday goes by and I don't get an email response, I figure it's just fell on deaf ears. Until I get home and Molly is going on and on about how he read my entire letter on the radio and repeatedly called me a "douche."

"What? I'm a douche?!"

"Yep, and he said that you're obviously just a jealous disc jockey yourself because no "regular" listener would know about "show-prep," Molly said. "And that they looked it up and it IS RALPH!"

"Shut the fuck up...they kept calling him RALPH Fiennes?!"

"Yeah. It was awesome!"

Besides that, he said that I was a hypocrite because I started off bashing James and then defended him later on in the email. I was just in a state of awe. Was this guy so stupid that he didn't even understand the point of my letter? Was he so shallow that the only way I could have gone after him like I did was because I wanted to work in radio myself?! Of course, I had to write another email:

So I'm a "douche" and "jealous" because I "obviously want to be a disc jockey" eh? Why, because I knew people with radio shows do "show-prep?!" What a fucking genius I am! Shit, you caught me Dick, I'm actually Howard Stern and just like Angela Lansbury you solved the god damn mystery!

It's funny that you can't just take criticism without #1 insulting me with personal attacks and #2 think that I have to be something other than a casual listener. Sorry to break it to you Dick, but I work a shitty retail job.

I honestly figured you didn't give a shit about my email since you didn't respond, but as I came home from work tonight, my Wife informed me that you actually spent quite some time going over the entire email on the air. Gosh, I'm honored.

Besides calling me a douche repeatedly, I guess you also had a hard time understanding exactly what I was trying to say. It seems like you think I'm some sort of "hypocrite" because I started off my email bashing that Medium guy and then turned around and defended him. Let me break it down for you once again. (forgive me, but I don't have any wacky sound clips, so you might find it hard to pay attention.)

The entire point of my email was to let you know that I felt like you not only were lazy about your interview with James, but also borderline homo phobic. I guess you didn't understand my line about "Jim Jim" calling. Again, my bad, I think it might have been "Ray Ray" or some other bullshit fake caller name. Whatever it was, it was lame that you couldn't just hurl insults at James yourself. What a big man you are to say shit off the air and then put on an act when the guest is there. (It'll be interesting if you tell Nicholas Cage you think Ghost Rider is going to suck while you're actually talking to him...if not, go get Ray Ray!!!) But besides the idea of using obviously fake callers being lame, the fact that they seemed to mostly make jokes about James being gay struck me as odd.

Honestly Dick, what was the punch line? I wasn't aware it was a clip from Arrested Development, but just because you took a clip from a cool show doesn't mean it makes your bit cool. All that came across was the idea that you were making fun of James for not scamming people into thinking he was talking to dead loved ones...but because of his sexual preference. Pointing fingers and laughing at homosexuals kinda went out of style decades ago. I understand that morning show disc jockeys are still living in the past with their "OUTRAGEOUS PRANK CALLS! and JOIN MY FANCLUB & BE CALLED A DICKHEAD!" antics, but gay bashing really ain't funny. Even if James is a bastard who deserves ridicule...it's for taking advantage of people's emotions, not for whatever he does in his bedroom.

That was the point of my email. Honest criticism. The kind that anyone who has "been fired from four different radio stations" should be able to take without flipping out and thinking that I secretly wanted to be just like you. Trust me, no one wants to be like you. In fact, I give it a matter of weeks before other DJ's at that station have had their fill of THE DICKSTER and either quit or just ignore you like the plague. I found a few websites of what you've done at other stations and you're out of your element at this one. The Buzz has always prided itself on being open and honest with it's listeners. You're just a phony shock-jock who needs to go off to some Classic Rock station and do some WET T-SHIRT CONTEST FOR OZZFEST TICKETS bullshit. Or sell more of your "GOT DICK" shirts. Wow, how long did it take to come up with that one?

START SUCKING!!!! (or, for the love of God, stop.)

Honestly, that's where it stopped...or at least it did on my end. Neither Molly or I have listened to his show since, so if he's responded on the air, I didn't hear it. It's a shame he never responded to me directly to my emails. I honestly wanted to hear him defend himself and the way he was basically "gay bashing" on the radio in 2007. There's no excuse...even if you're some dumbass shock-jock.


Ryanetics said...

WOW!!! That guy is insane! You did an admirable job of trying to speak reason and logic to a dim wit. It really is sad how pervasive gay bashing is within the segment of society that still thinks shock jocks are edgey and cool.

Have you seen Idiocracy? Old Dick would be right at home in future it foretells.

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