"Best Cinematography" doesn't get any better than this:

Contains SPOILERS, but honestly, it's not going to ruin the movie for the Millions of you (fools) that didn't see the film. It's a 6 minute gun battle using one single take. You will not be able to look away, it's filmmaking at it's finest.


Saturday's episode was surprisingly awesome.

Rainn Wilson's monologue

Fred Armisen's SPOT ON version of Anna Nicole's judge

Arcade Fire performing Keep The Car Running (which will probably be removed my the time you read this, so try & track it down for yourself...it's amazing!!!)



This news story is spreading like wildfire and it's only Midnight on Saturday...imagine the shitstorm that will hit on Monday when the press conference is supposed to take place.

Here's how to piss off half of the world:
In a new documentary, Producer Cameron and his director, Simcha Jacobovici, make the starting claim that Jesus wasn't resurrected --the cornerstone of Christian faith-- and that his burial cave was discovered near Jerusalem. And, get this, Jesus sired a son with Mary Magdelene.

Seriously, he's going to hold a press conference on Monday morning and explain that he has "DNA evidence" that proves Jesus is buried alongside his family. Oh, and he's also going to "reveal three coffins, supposedly those of Jesus of Nazareth, his mother Mary and Mary Magdalene." Now, take that quote as you will, but wouldn't it be a tiny bit rude to actually unveil the coffins on some stage in New York City?! Maybe he'll just do something classier like a slideshow or powerpoint presentation.

And, if having a Time.com blog wasn't "real" enough for you to believe it, here's the book and website.



MARCH 15th?! But I want it NOW!!!

I picked up the demo today...so I suppose that will hold me over until next month.

If you're like, "How good could this game be?" Check out these clips!!!



First, the news story:

SANTA FE, New Mexico (AP) -- Three CD players hidden under a cathedral's pews blared sexually explicit language in the middle of an Ash Wednesday Mass, leading a bomb squad to detonate two of the devices.

Authorities determined the music players were not dangerous and kept the third one to check it for clues, said police Capt. Gary Johnson.

The CD players, duct-taped to the bottoms of the pews, were set to turn on in the middle of noon Mass on Wednesday at the Roman Catholic Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi.

The recordings, made on store-bought blank discs, featured people using foul language and "pornographic messages," Johnson said. He would not elaborate because of the ongoing investigation.

Church staff members took the CD players to the basement and called police, who sent the bomb squad, Johnson said.

The bomb squad blew up two players outside and kept the third one to test for fingerprints or DNA and trace its components, he said.

Now, my petty comments:

Okay, that's a pretty mean prank. I'm not the most religous guy in the world, but duct taping boom boxes under church pews to play "pornographic?!" music is just mean.

...but what is with the bomb squad blowing up ordinary electronic devices lately? There were three CD players and they blew up two before figuring out that they were, you know, CD players. Wouldn't this be seen as a stupid prank the moment "Bitches Ain't Shit" started blasting out of the speakers?!



That 1 1/2 minute clip alone is better than most TV shows...especially Criminal Minds, you fools!!!



First things first, this DJ calls himself "Dick Dale," but we both know that's not his real name. When it was first annonuced that 96.5 was getting the "Dick Dale Show" I was hoping it was THE Dick Dale doing some sort of syndicated show...but alas, we're left with this guy.

Second thing is that, in order to further understand my emails and swipes at the guy, you really should check out his website first. If for nothing else than to see for yourself that radio disc jockeys are a dime a dozen. They all have the "shtick" that just drives people away from radio in droves. This guy has "Got Dick?" shirts...that sums up pretty much everything right there.

And finally, this is totally one-sided since he never emailed me back and the station doesn't have any archives for me to pull transcripts from...so it's all from my noggin and therefore not exact...but it's still absolutely insane!

This whole thing got started because of this mother fucker:


Dick Dale had just started last Monday and I hadn't listened to see what the new "morning show" would be like...so come Tuesday morning, I turn it on and hear him talking about Ralph Finnes (which his "sidekick" kept pronouncing RALPH!) and the airline incident, then he states "Coming up next, we're going to be talking to James Van Praagh!" I immediately cringed...what the fuck?! The guy that talks to dead people?! But Dick soon followed up with, "I'm anxious to talk to him because I think he's a fake who cons people into thinking he can talk to the dead." As it stands now, me & the Dick are best friends forever! I cannot stand these "Mediums" either and looked forward to hearing how the interview was going to go...

At the beginning of the interview, everyone was nice to each other, James was plugging some "Valentine's Day Seance" bullshit on CBS.com. Then, Dick took some "calls." I say "calls" because they were obviously prank calls that Dick had arranged before the interview in order to "challenge" James without having to do it to his face. But instead of calling him a snake oil salesman, the callers (more than one) questioned his sexuality. All the while, Dick was hitting a button that would play a recording that said something to the effect of "He's GAY!" over and over again.

I was dumbfounded. Here you have a person who preys on people's emotions by acting like he has the "magical power" to talk to the dead...and you're making fun of him for being gay?! So...I wrote Dick an email:

I listened to your show for the first time this morning hoping it wouldn't be the "usual wild & craaaaaaazy" morning show with the sound effects and shock-jock shit. It started off decent, but quickly slid right into the stereotype that everyone already hates about radio.

You stated that James Van Praagh was going to be on. I immediately cringed. Luckily you explained that you hated him and felt like he was fucking with people by using their grief to act like he was "talking to their loved ones." I was intrigued...so far, so good.

Then came the actual interview, where instead of taking him head-on, you resort to "Jim Jim?!" and other obviously fake callers to call in and say he sounds gay? Seriously? Then, to just get the point across for everyone listening (which you must think are too stupid to "get it") you begin hitting the wacky sound effect button. "He's Queer!!!" Wow...I was stunned.

I'm all about crude humor. David Cross, Patton Oswaldt, Bill Hicks are gods amongst men...but this was lame, unfunny and honestly an insult to both your listeners and James.

He's a bastard who preys upon people by lying and saying he has the "magic power" to talk to the dead...and you go after the fact that he might be gay? What the fuck, Dick? You had an amazing chance to show some balls and call him out on the air, but instead you took the easy "morning show" route.

I read how you consider your show to be "The Daily Show" on radio. But imagine how Jon Stewart would've handled this...he would have done a tiny bit of research, (which...seriously, do either of you do ANY show-prep?! RALPH Fiennes? I was laughing harder at that than at anything else) you would've seen that http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Van_Praagh he has quite a few mistakes could have exposed him for the fraud he is.

But no, keep going with the "He sucks dick!!!" jokes...see how far that gets you.

...yeeeeeeah, not really too bad. I mean, I called him out for taking the "morning show route" and not doing any sort of show-prep, but never called him any names.

So, all Wednesday goes by and I don't get an email response, I figure it's just fell on deaf ears. Until I get home and Molly is going on and on about how he read my entire letter on the radio and repeatedly called me a "douche."

"What? I'm a douche?!"

"Yep, and he said that you're obviously just a jealous disc jockey yourself because no "regular" listener would know about "show-prep," Molly said. "And that they looked it up and it IS RALPH!"

"Shut the fuck up...they kept calling him RALPH Fiennes?!"

"Yeah. It was awesome!"

Besides that, he said that I was a hypocrite because I started off bashing James and then defended him later on in the email. I was just in a state of awe. Was this guy so stupid that he didn't even understand the point of my letter? Was he so shallow that the only way I could have gone after him like I did was because I wanted to work in radio myself?! Of course, I had to write another email:

So I'm a "douche" and "jealous" because I "obviously want to be a disc jockey" eh? Why, because I knew people with radio shows do "show-prep?!" What a fucking genius I am! Shit, you caught me Dick, I'm actually Howard Stern and just like Angela Lansbury you solved the god damn mystery!

It's funny that you can't just take criticism without #1 insulting me with personal attacks and #2 think that I have to be something other than a casual listener. Sorry to break it to you Dick, but I work a shitty retail job.

I honestly figured you didn't give a shit about my email since you didn't respond, but as I came home from work tonight, my Wife informed me that you actually spent quite some time going over the entire email on the air. Gosh, I'm honored.

Besides calling me a douche repeatedly, I guess you also had a hard time understanding exactly what I was trying to say. It seems like you think I'm some sort of "hypocrite" because I started off my email bashing that Medium guy and then turned around and defended him. Let me break it down for you once again. (forgive me, but I don't have any wacky sound clips, so you might find it hard to pay attention.)

The entire point of my email was to let you know that I felt like you not only were lazy about your interview with James, but also borderline homo phobic. I guess you didn't understand my line about "Jim Jim" calling. Again, my bad, I think it might have been "Ray Ray" or some other bullshit fake caller name. Whatever it was, it was lame that you couldn't just hurl insults at James yourself. What a big man you are to say shit off the air and then put on an act when the guest is there. (It'll be interesting if you tell Nicholas Cage you think Ghost Rider is going to suck while you're actually talking to him...if not, go get Ray Ray!!!) But besides the idea of using obviously fake callers being lame, the fact that they seemed to mostly make jokes about James being gay struck me as odd.

Honestly Dick, what was the punch line? I wasn't aware it was a clip from Arrested Development, but just because you took a clip from a cool show doesn't mean it makes your bit cool. All that came across was the idea that you were making fun of James for not scamming people into thinking he was talking to dead loved ones...but because of his sexual preference. Pointing fingers and laughing at homosexuals kinda went out of style decades ago. I understand that morning show disc jockeys are still living in the past with their "OUTRAGEOUS PRANK CALLS! and JOIN MY FANCLUB & BE CALLED A DICKHEAD!" antics, but gay bashing really ain't funny. Even if James is a bastard who deserves ridicule...it's for taking advantage of people's emotions, not for whatever he does in his bedroom.

That was the point of my email. Honest criticism. The kind that anyone who has "been fired from four different radio stations" should be able to take without flipping out and thinking that I secretly wanted to be just like you. Trust me, no one wants to be like you. In fact, I give it a matter of weeks before other DJ's at that station have had their fill of THE DICKSTER and either quit or just ignore you like the plague. I found a few websites of what you've done at other stations and you're out of your element at this one. The Buzz has always prided itself on being open and honest with it's listeners. You're just a phony shock-jock who needs to go off to some Classic Rock station and do some WET T-SHIRT CONTEST FOR OZZFEST TICKETS bullshit. Or sell more of your "GOT DICK" shirts. Wow, how long did it take to come up with that one?

START SUCKING!!!! (or, for the love of God, stop.)

Honestly, that's where it stopped...or at least it did on my end. Neither Molly or I have listened to his show since, so if he's responded on the air, I didn't hear it. It's a shame he never responded to me directly to my emails. I honestly wanted to hear him defend himself and the way he was basically "gay bashing" on the radio in 2007. There's no excuse...even if you're some dumbass shock-jock.



Did you notice the billboards for Oceanic Airlines or Apollo Candybars during the soccer match that Desmond watched inside the pub? No, me neither. See other awesome lil' tidbits the producers threw into last week's amazing episode here!

In other LOST news, the ratings continue to fall, losing another 1.7 million from last week's "mid season premiere." Honestly, it's still pulling in decent numbers in the 18-34 demo and is in the top 10 of most watched prime-time shows...it's just hard to fathom that Criminal Minds is beating it in the same timeslot.

Besides, if they continue to just pull in "average" ratings, maybe ABC will let them end it all in five seasons like the creators want. We can only hope.


The rest of Series 2 can be seen here, along with the annoucement of Series 3! (we get a Henry Gale figure in October! My Action Figure Parade is close to being complete!!!)


Here's another clip from The 1/2 Hour News Hour.

Even worse than the previous clip that leaked...and these two are supposed to be professionals?!

(also, the "douche" story is going to take a while to type and I'm exhausted at the moment, but it's coming soon, I promise!)



...but when I get back I have to tell you all about emailing a local radio station about their lame new Morning Show Disc Jockey and have that guy READ my entire email on the air and call me a "douche" repeatedly! Oh, and yes, WACKY SOUND EFFECTS were also used! If things go well, he might end up on that new Fox News Daily Show! That's how painfully unfunny this bastard is.

Take care...



Will U Be Mine?

TO: America
FROM: The 1/2 Hour News Hour

You know what says "We're not funny" more than anything else on television? A fucking laugh track. If you can't actually make a studio audience laugh, that might be a clue that you ain't funny.

Above is a new 2 minute clip from the producer of 24's new FOX NEWS "OTHER DAILY SHOW" that has been in development for a lot longer than this clip would have you believe. Seriously...all that time and money and THIS is what you came up with? BO MAGAZINE? Ouch.



I don't care if she's 54, I adore this woman. She's not only a looker but writes songs that can just pierce your soul. Her latest album WEST just hit stores today and is both beautiful and haunting. Dealing with the loss of her Mother and long time boyfriend, she pretty much wrote 13 somber tunes. Some are more uptempo, some are vengeful, but all are uniquely Lucinda Williams.

She has stated in interviews that Bob Dylan's TIME OUT OF MIND played a heavy influence on this record. Since that is easily one of my favorite albums ever, I was anxious to see what WEST had to offer. While, it doesn't live up to that status, it is indeed a great successor to WORLD WITHOUT TEARS.

And, perhaps because of everything going on lately combined with my hatred of funeral homes in general, this is my personal favorite off the album:


Some think a fancy funeral
Would be worth every cent
But for every dime & nickel
There's money better spent

Better spent on groceries
And covering the bills
Instead of little luxuries
And unnecessary frills


'Cause no amount of riches
Can bring back what you've lost
To satisfy your wishes
You'll never justify the cost

I'll never forget going to the funeral home with my Father after my Mom died. It's such a business. They make you feel cheap if you don't go "all out." It's disgusting and ranks up there with bullshit "I can talk to dead people" scam artists as ways to prey on people's emotions.


Not the most current of photos, but one I came across recently. He was my Mother's Father and my Mom was his only daughter. When she died from Cancer back in 1994, it took quite a toll on him and my Nana. I basically became their "family" as they had little to do with my Father after he re-married and my Brother didn't really visit them as much.

They ended up moving about 3 hours South of Kansas City about a year or so after Molly and I got married. Their Sister and Brother lived down there and my Mom had always called it "Down Home." But less than a year after they moved down there, both my Nana's Sister and Papa's Brother passed away and they basically just had each other. Molly and I would visit them about twice a year and hoped that one day they would move back to the city...but it never happened.

Papa developed tumors on his spine a little over a year ago and it spread to his Liver a few months later. My Nana has never driven a day in her life and Papa was scared to think of what would happen if he was to leave her alone. So he fought...for seven long months, he never let his pain or depression get in the way of fighting the disease. Hell, he was still driving them to the hospital up until about three weeks ago. Last night he finally gave in.

So, both my Mother and Papa have Cancer to blame for their all-too-sudden deaths. My Father is currently battling brain tumors and is barely able to walk. Honestly, things look extremely bleak for the next couple of months. I'm so sick of this disease and the fact that it has taken so many family members away from me. I'm 27 folks. Far too young to be without either parent.

...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

As it stands now, My Father is still alive. The ugly truth of what's to come just came closer with the death of my Grandfather. My Papa. It's funny, I used to get teased for calling them "Nana & Papa" back in school. I remember reaching that certain age where I didn't give a fuck and cherished their titles with honor. When Lex gets old enough to have children, I know what Molly and I will expect them to call us...besides Old McMoneybags.



The DIXIE CHICKS won all five Grammy awards tonight. Every single category which they were nominated for!

Meanwhile, Toby Keith is still putting his boots up...asses...somewhere?! Oh yeah, probably over here...

Hey, laugh all you want, but the man gets 40% off all the hot wings he can eat! Plus, every time you order some Freedom Fries, an Arab gets mailed a Bible!


God, that is going to be an awesome episode! J. J. Abrams is directing one before the end of the year as well!



Those of you LOST fans might find this interesting.


LOGIN: jburke
PASSWORD: rachel



...is the best one thus far!

It's like they read the Newsweek article with Gates McBabyhead and shot a new ad in less than a week?! It's funny and brutal.



The wait is finally over!


Over at CNN.com.

Here's how much I love this guy...I'm probably going to buy the new Linkin Park album because he produced it.

Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a lil' bit...


Ted Haggard is now "completely heterosexual."

"We made him fuck the shit out of 135 different women" is not a quote in the article, but man, it would've been a good one.

I wonder how long it would take to make me "completely homosexual?" Who said, "Three days?!" Psssssssh, try two!



Coming to Fox...duh.

Any bets on how long it lasts?!



30 Rock too...but at least it's given a date to return...Studio 60 is just "maybe someday."


...and I am funky.

The man is 48 and still is at the peak of his game. Look at that guitar playing, the way he's able to effortlessly hit those high notes...if only he had busted out some "Sexy Motherfucka."


Oh yeah...cause of shit like this:

Honestly. Where can you even begin? I remember laughing at the "Shark Repellent Bat-Spray" as a kid, but I don't remember it taking four hours for Robin to climb down there and help Batman? And why does the shark blow up? Was it filled with Bat-Dynamite?!

...still better than the Power Ranger looking villain and Aunt May hanging off the side of a building by an umbrella in the Spider-Man movies though. :)


Watch this video and let it sink in...

Now, at first I was like, "Wow, what fuckers are troops are." But the more I sat and thought to myself, the painful truth is that the reason they drive down a busy street in Iraq like that is because they have to. IED's could go off anywhere at any time, and honestly our Humvees and troops are just sitting ducks if they're stopped in traffic.

...but what do you think the Iraqis think? No, not the "evil terrrrrorist" ones, I'm talking about the innocent civilians out driving that day or walking down the street. They see this "Asshole America" that bullies their every move.

This war is beyond hopeless. Even if we somehow manage to win militarily, (big if) we'll never be able to gain back the Iraqis trust and respect. Sending another 20,000 troops, (along with another 25,000 support troops which Bush conveniently forgot to mention) isn't going to do anything but make more targets...and more asshole drivers.



From the director of 40 Year Old Virgin
(seriously, do NOT play this at work!)



Yeah yeah, so he's spending Millions to rid AIDS in Africa...who cares about important stuff like that. Let's focus on his views of Macs and how VISTA is the greatest thing EV4R!!!

The Newsweek article.

Some excerpts:

Are you bugged by the Apple commercial where John Hodgman is the PC, and he has to undergo surgery to get Vista?

I've never seen it. I don't think the over 90 percent of the [population] who use Windows PCs think of themselves as dullards, or the kind of klutzes that somebody is trying to say they are.

How about the implication that you need surgery to upgrade?

Well, certainly we've done a better job letting you upgrade on the hardware than our competitors have done. You can choose to buy a new machine, or you can choose to do an upgrade. And I don't know why [Apple is] acting like it’s superior. I don't even get it. What are they trying to say? Does honesty matter in these things, or if you're really cool, that means you get to be a lying person whenever you feel like it? There's not even the slightest shred of truth to it.

In many of the Vista reviews, even the positive ones, people note that some Vista features are already in the Mac operating system.

You can go through and look at who showed any of these things first, if you care about the facts. If you just want to say, "Steve Jobs invented the world, and then the rest of us came along," that's fine. If you’re interested, [Vista development chief] Jim Allchin will be glad to educate you feature by feature what the truth is. I mean, it’s fascinating, maybe we shouldn't have showed so publicly the stuff we were doing, because we knew how long the new security base was going to take us to get done. Nowadays, security guys break the Mac every single day. Every single day, they come out with a total exploit, your machine can be taken over totally.

...um, what the fuck is Gates talking about? I've had a Mac for over 7 years now and NEVER had a virus...not a single one! And ever since Molly and I switched over to OSX, we've never had a crash (knock on wood.) The PC's at my business (that I'm currently typing on) have so much SpyWare and Norton AntiVirus on them, it takes 5-7 minutes to even begin using the damn things! Take a walk into your nearest computer store. There'll be AT LEAST three to four aisles of nothing but virus protection software...all for PCs.



Bar none. If you haven't been following the "AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE-BOSTON BOMB SCARE" shame on you. Basically Cartoon Network called upon graffiti and performance artists to hang up these signs all across major US cities:

And they did so...THREE WEEKS AGO!!! In major cities such as Seattle, Pittsburg, Manhattan, and Brooklyn all had these signs hung up on overpasses, tunnels, sides of buildings, etc. And if you think it was just a handful, get a load of this:

"Police in Philadelphia said they believed their city had 56 devices.

The New York Police Department removed 41 of the devices — 38 in Manhattan and three in Brooklyn, according to spokesman Paul Browne. The NYPD had not received any complaints. But when it became aware of the situation, it contacted Cartoon Network, which provided the locations so the devices could be removed."

That's 97 devices and not a single phone call...especially in NEW YORK, you know, the place that has actually been ATTACKED BY TERRORISTS!!!

But Boston...oh, Boston. Bostonians were freaked the fuck out. What could these devices do? Did they simply show an 8-bit cartoon character flipping you off, or did they unleash toxic nerve gas like that scene from Batman with The Joker and the parade?! So people phoned the police and National Security was brought in and THE ENTIRE CITY OF BOSTON SHUT DOWN!!!

...folks, an entire city was brought to it's knees over a god damn Lite Brite. (hat-tip Ryan)

But...but they could've been BOMBS!!! We all know that the Terrorists have a wicked sense of humor! Oh, and that bombs are easily made using fucking D batteries?!

Seriously, read some of these quotes from the article:

"It's clear the intent was to get attention by causing fear and unrest that there was a bomb in that location," Assistant Attorney General John Grossman said at their arraignment.

The 1-foot tall signs, which were lit up at night, resembled a circuit board, with protruding wires and batteries. Most depicted a boxy, cartoon character giving passersby the finger — a more obvious sight when darkness fell.

The men did not speak or enter their own pleas, but they appeared amused and smiled as the prosecutor talked about the device found at Sullivan Station underneath Interstate 93, looking like it had C-4 explosive.

"The appearance of this device and its location are crucial," Grossman said. "This device looks like a bomb."

Some in the gallery snickered.

Outside the courthouse, Michael Rich, a lawyer for both of the men, said the description of a bomb-like device could be used for any electronic device.

"If somebody had left a VCR on the ground it would have been a device with wires, electronic components and a power source," he said.

We seriously need to reevaluate how fucked up things have gotten in this country and how the Government has scared us into little children. At least these guys seem to be taking it in stride...for now:

And here's how they did it: