Dear Sleater-Kinney,

My wife and I have been talking and we've decided it's okay if I go ahead and see you on the side. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife dearly, but watching you perform "Jumpers" on Letterman last night...well, I'm in love. You are putting Rock N Roll back where it needs to be. Away from the Billboard Charts and "safe for airplay" shit and back into the edgy and dangerous category.

Plus, I have a weakness for talented, take-no-bullshit, older women. So you're a triple-threat!

So please, take me with you. I'm short, so I won't take up much space on the tour bus! As long as I check in on my son once every couple of months, we'll be good to go.

Much love,

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